MY FIRST AND LAST LOVE

CHAPTER 19

(Nicoles POV)
My bestfriend had just left me i laid my eyes on her casket as she was getting put into the ground tears were strolling down my face ..

Where do i go from here?..

I saw people throwing soil and roses onto her casket ..

Why couldnt i have died with her?

Why do i have to suffer?

I couldnt handle the part where she was getting buried i strolled away on my wheelchair and left where no one saw me which i was glad i didnt want people on my a$$ all the time asking me if i was ok or saying they are sorry for my lost like lets be honest the next day people will go back to there daily lives while i have nothing , amy will still be dead, i will still be in this stupid wheelchair....

I stared at the pond for a while knowing nothing will ever be the same...

I suddenly heard leaves shuffled i didnt want to look back "what are you doing over here people are looking for you" john said "like i care" i said coldy "i know you are having a hard time but please nicole dont blame it on yourself"he said ....

I blame it to myself day and night knowing i caused amy her death i told her to pick me up i shouldve just left my emotions aside ...

"You should leave john eve must be waiting for you" i said yes john and eve are still dating i dont know why and sadly i dont care..

"Shes --" ..

"Why are you still here, why john ?! You have someone in your life to love and cherish yet your here basically on my a$$ all the time , you didnt want me in the first place john so tell me why are you pretending to care!?" I snapped..

"Im not pretending nicole" he said it made me snap even more "IF IT WASNT FOR YOU AMY WOULDNT BE DEAD!!!" I yelled i strolled away from him as far as i could but it wasnt too far he stopped me...

"Why do you mess with me john " i asked "im not please nicole please take me back" he said is he joking "are you serious john your a joke you have a girlfriend yet your begging me to take you back???" I asked..

"You never know what you want" i said "i do since the party i do" he said ..

"Do you even love me?" I asked..

"More than you'll ever know" he said..

"I just wanna know why you left the party i thought what we had was special" he said ..

"It is john it still is" i said..

"Then why wont you be with me" he asked..

"Because im afraid" i said...

"Of?" He asked ..

"Of loosing you" i said..

He bent down and kissed me..

"Im not leaving you " he said...

That made me tear up... "what about eve john" i said "im not with her nicole ive been trying to tell you" he said ...

I stood silent "john we are bad for each other" i said " nicole no please dont say that"  he said "john its true" i said..

"Why dont you go to your family john cherish that before you loose it " i added..

I began to stroll away trying to hard not to cry my eyes out...