You're not like me

Eight

the car was an awkward tempature. you'd get hot so you'd take off your jacket and be frozen solid. you'd put your jacket on and feel like pasta boiling in a pot. it didn't help that Hannah was going fast already. she was driving and had her hand on my thigh about two inches from my vagina.

she stopped right on a cliff overlooking the city. she parked the car and looked at me. the air in the car has suddenly set to the perfect temperature.

"em, are we gonna do this." she looked at me and back at her hand on my thigh.

"Han you're beautiful and damn I wish but I just can't right now."

"why."

"if my parents ever found out we relocate again and there isn't time for my parents to hate me and find new jobs. they're like saints to church and I just couldn't do that to them."

"what class are you supposed to be in."

"science why?"

"think of it as a chemistry experiment." she licked her bottom lip and she was right. I was positive and she was negative we both were pulling into each other. we started slow and holy shit I couldn't keep up with all the Sparks passing through us. I didn't think it was possible for two people to have such a strong connection.

she pulled away from the kiss and I was left wanting more.

"em, I've done the whole secret relationship, I don't want to do it again. I'm not afraid for people to shame me anymore for being who I am. you gotta tell them or this can't happen."

"I'll tell them. I'll promise to keep it on a low key and we won't have to relocate."

"good. now, let's get back to class" she smirked as she smashed her lips against mine. she had smooth lips with rough techniques. she slipped her tongue in my mouth without me knowing.

"hannah," she paused bringing a kiss down to my neck, "i felt it since the first day of school."

"so did i"

•••

I got home from school and my parents weren't home. whatever I didn't need another integration track from my mom. I took out my phone and played the judge by twenty øne piløts.

I let the ukulele chords take me to another place. back to second period. I knew I'd have to clear that in attendance tomorrow but it wasn't a huge deal. what do I say to my mom. I can't lie to hannah but I also can't relocate again. I decided to tell my dad. my dad always understood and he was always home before my mom anyways.

seconds later the front door unlocked and as predicted it was my dad.

"hey honey how was school?"

"uh good dad, I need to talk to you"

"oh man this is never good"

"it's about the relocation, we all know we relocated because of me."

"that's not true, I got a job."

"yeah in another area because mom didn't want to be known as the mom with a lesbian daughter."

"honey-"

"dad cut the crap, moms gonna be home soon and you're the only person I trust now. dad I've found another partner."

"oh"

"you cannot tell mom."

"you know I can't do that"

"do you wanna relocate again???"

"well, no"

"then don't tell mom!" right as I said that the worst possible thing happened.

"don't tell mom what?" says my mother as she walks into the kitchen door.

"uhh defiantly not your birthday gift!!" I was good at coming up with things on the spot.

"good cover up Emma, my birthdays in 3 months. now tell me the truth."

"but why are you home so early?" I tried to distract her.

"yoga finished early. Emma answer me now."

"fine whatever. fuck it. mom I have a partner again. nothing official but it might grow to be."

"Emma. I cannot believe you. either end things now or George go look for a house in another state."

"MOTHER! no. neither of those are happening why can't you just accept me cot who I fucking am!!"

"EMMA! LANGUAGE!! I CANNOT BELIVE YOU. YOUVE ALREADY PUT THIS FAMILY THROUGH ENOUGH."

"IVE BEEN IN A NEW AREA FOR A WEEK AND I ALREADY AM THREATENED TO LEAVE GREAT! wanna know what, fine I'll leave." I walk upstairs to my room to hear my mom yelling at me to go back downstairs so she can yell at me more. I lock my door and pack a duffle bag with the needs and my credit card and other important financials.

I storm out of the house grabbing my keys as my mother is still yelling at me. "IM OUT OF YOUR LIFE FOREVER OKAY!" I slam the door and get in my car and start balling my eyes out.

at first I just drive. nowhere to go at all I know no one and don't really know where I'm going. I pull over at a truck stop and call Hannah from my car.

"I need a place to stay for a few days"

"276 parkway" is all she says and she hangs up the phone and I'm just left there sitting in silence. the only thing to break the silence is the faint sound of my car engine and the smell of gasoline.