The Werewolf Girl (Camren)

Chapter 5: Restless Nights

Lauren's POV:

February 27, 2015

I shot up in bed, my body covered by cold sweat, my face wet from all those salty tears, which escaped my eyelids during my horrible nights rest. I breath heavily, desperately trying to catch my breath. My throat is dry, I'm not able to swallow the knot of panic, to push it down out of my tightened airpipe. I shuffle around my sticky sheets, when my bare feet touch the cold floor I feel the first wave of anxiety wearing off. The cold wood underneath my soles grounds me a bit. My eyes shift desperately around my moonlit bedroom as I count the various vinyl covers I hung up a while ago.

I adapted the passion for music and arts from my mother. She was a free spirit, Italian blood running through her veins, she was one to feel and live off of music. I'm obsessed with artists, with their vision. I need to know which thought was crossing their mind, which feeling was running through their system when they wrote those specific lyrics or figured out this melody. I wish I would be as gifted as my idols but not everyone is born with a mind alike those.

After I went through my favorite albums and tried to list all songs to which make me feel much calmer. It's sadly not the first time that I'm suffering from a panic attack. I always felt so drained after them because it took me very long to go through them, I started doing some research. I found out that there are different grounding techniques which can help you through your anxiety or panic attack and interrupt them. I tried a few of them but for me personally the concept of distraction works the best. I always try to distract myself with things I love like music, arts or nature.

When I finally feel calm enough I toddle over to the connected bathroom to take a freezing cold shower. My non-human body temperature is sometimes pretty hard to handle. I love to calm myself by taking an ice cold shower, the second the cold substance hits your exposed skin there is nothing running through your mind. The physical reaction takes a hold of your full attention and it's just you and your raw instincts huddled up in the tiny shower cabin.

I enjoy the feeling of the water running along my heated skin and lean back against the white tile wall, letting it support my bodyweight. I let my mind drift off for a bit and it doesn't take me long to find my way back to this horrifying dream.

Nightmares are nothing new to me. Over the last few years I got used to them, used to reliving the past. The night of my transformation, the night my parents were forcefully taken from me. But this dream was different. I was never the bad guy, never the one to hurt the people I care about the most. Just the thought of hurting Camila or even going so far to killing her scared me to the bones.

The beginning of the dream was pretty intense, in a good way. I've never felt anything like this ever before but it was extraordinary and exciting, it just made me crave more to have something in my life, to have someone like Camila who I could share my life with. Someone to come home to. I feel a horde of butterflies making their way around the pit of my stomach when I think about the intense interaction we shared. I felt complete when her curvy body was pressed up against me, just to feel her presence burning on my skin and to feel her lips on me. I know it was all just a dream but imagine how much more she could move within me when this was real. When she would be mine.

I stop myself when I realize what I'm actually daydreaming about. 'You are a monster, you saw what your wolf can cause her if you ever lose control of the wild beast within you. You could seriously hurt her or even worse.' It's true, the dream was just a small reminder of what I am capable of. If I ignore the warning everything could end up in a huge tragedy.

A part of me is still shaken up because it all felt too real, how I lost control of 'her', the way my fangs cut through her flesh and sunk deep into her pulse point, the taste of her blood on my tongue and the way she screamed. I can still hear the way her pained animalistic sounds filled the soulless room. The worst of all was the moment she was gone, when I could see the exact moment the life left her eyes and they had a dull gleam to them.