The Werewolf Girl (Camren)

Chapter 15: Beyond All Expectation

I struggle so deeply to understand how someone can pour their entire soul, blood and energy into someone without wanting anything in return...

-Rupi Kaur

Camila's POV:

May 27, 2015

"Don't you get it?!" Her soulless black eyes glare angrily at me while she tightens her jaw in rage. "I'm trying everything in my power to keep you safe from me and you're really giving me a hard time to do so!" She forcefully chucks the already broken dish against the wood clad wall of her living room.

"I'm sorry it was not my intention to scare you, I-"

"You're always sorry Camila. What if I actually would have hurt you?!" Her angry expression shifts to one of regret and guilt. She let her heavy shoulders hang low, her eyes not meeting mine.

It was really not my intention to scare her. I know how triggering it can be for her. Since I've read those articles a few weeks back I really try to think about the way I move around her or the way I touch or approach the traumatized girl. Before Lauren I've never known someone with a post-traumatic stress disorder. I've always thought it was a mental illness which just affects people like veterans who served in war. But all those articles and books helped me to understand that everyone is able to suffer of this illness after they went through something traumatizing in their life. It took me a while to connect the dots, her jumpiness, rage, frustration, the physical pain to wounds that have been fully healed a while ago, restless nights, hopelessness and many more symptoms.

"I know you would never hurt me on purpose Lauren." I take a step closer toward her but stop in my tracks reminding myself that it's not helpful to corner her. She shakes her head lightly, an expression of guilt coming over her features when she looks at me. She steps carefully closer to me and pulls down the fabric of my turtle neck shirt, exposing the purple handprint on my neck. Her dark eyes show off real disgust, disgust for the pain she caused me. I pull her hand off the collar, covering the bruise again so she won't see it.

"This doesn't count, you were sleeping, you didn't know what you were doing."

She let me hold her hand, before she pulls it away after a bit. This has been the longest I've held her hand since she choked me. "Just because I had a nightmare doesn't mean that I didn't hurt you. I could have killed you. Maybe it's good that my wolf is gone, just imagine what I could have caused you with my unnatural strength."

"On the other hand I wouldn't even suffer this way. If my wolf wouldn't have left me, they wouldn't have been able to beat the shit out of me. I could still protect you. Now I can't even protect myself Camila. Maybe it would be better if we really take a break I mean-"

I usually just let her express her twisted thoughts but this has gone too far. For weeks she's constantly trying to push me away but now mentioning to take a break is crossing the line. Especially since I know she just wants to do it to keep me safe.

"This is not your decision to make Lauren!" I really try to keep my emotions on the low but it just frustrates me if she wants to make decisions for me. This fighting has gone on for more than a month now and I'm tired of it.

"Yes it is! Look at me Camila! I AM A MESS! I still have trouble breathing because of the ribs they broke me. My face is still messed up and will stay exactly this way for the rest of my HUMAN life. I sleep even worse than I used to, I always lash out on you and was close to accidently killing you!" She lifts her hand up to the mentioned spot on her face, rubbing the mad scars on her eyebrow to soothe the stabbing pain. Where used to be a full good formed eyebrow was now half of the eyebrow missing, three red cuts stretching from her eye to her temple.