Finding Father

Chapter 15- It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

Christmas break approaches quickly, and the castle transforms itself into a winter wonderland. A simple wave of Dumbledore's wand, and decorations are everywhere. The Great Hall is by far the most beautiful, with twenty-foot Christmas trees and garlands and such everywhere. A few of the teachers, McGonagall, Lupin, and Flitwick mostly, get festive and put up small decorations in their classrooms.

Three days before break, I suck up a lot courage and I find myself standing in front of Snape's office after supper. I knock several times, and the door is opened with magic used from the inside. Snape is at his desk as usual, papers sprawled out in front of him. He looks at me with a mixture of disgust and terror.

"And how can I help you, Miss Carter," he asks slowly.

"I- I needed to discuss something with you," I reply nervously. I realize I'm shaking slightly and I mentally tell myself to relax.

"And that would be...?"

"Christmas break," I say. "I, well, I can't go home like the other students, exactly."

"There is always the option of staying here," Snape says coldly. I'm appalled by his response.

"Yes, sir, I understand. I just didn't know if you had... other plans."

"Like?" Even though he's asking, I can tell he knows exactly what I'm implying. Still, I say in a tiny voice,

"Like going to your house for the holidays." I've started trembling again.

We're both silent for a good thirty seconds. I'm staring at my hands, but I can feel his eyes fixed on me.

I finally look up at him.

"You said when Mum died that you would help me," I state bravely. "Has something changed, sir?" I realize I sound like a smart aleck, but I don't know what else to say.

"I'm not, at this time, prepared to take you to my house for the holidays. But, if that's what you're set on, we can possibly work something out."

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SNAPE'S POV

Do I want to tell her or not? Nothing has changed, I suppose. I remember our last real conversation. I did promise her that I would try. Try to do what? I don't know. To help her, to use her words.

She knows already that I've been trying to avoid her. She doesn't know why. I think that she believes that I'm angry with her, something has changed my mind, that I hate her now. It's none of the above. I hate to admit it, but it's pride and fear that are driving my actions. That's something that happens too often.

I'm worried that my reputation will be ruined. I'm beyond terrified that word of her will get to Voldemort and I will reap the consequences. I don't want to put her in danger, and I don't want my undercover position as Dumbledore's spy to be jeopardized.

How the hell do I even begin to take care of an eleven year old girl? I feel as though this question is causing me more anxiety and fear than anything else. I've been a teacher for twelve years and I still don't know the first thing about children. But, if she'll let me try, I guess I have no choice.

Dumbledore will personally murder me if I don't help her.

Avery can't know any of this.

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AVERY'S POV

"Work something out, like what?" I ask cautiously.

"Well, do you want to stay at the school, or do you want to leave for the break?" Snape's sounding impatient.

"Normally I would leave but I'm prepared to stay if you want me to," I say in a small voice.

"I was going to go home for Christmas, but I'll warn you, I wasn't planning on celebrating anything," he says drily. "Especially on my own. But, as I said, I can possibly work out taking you with me. Or, I can remain here."

I consider this briefly. The more I think about it, being alone for three weeks with Snape didn't sound like the best time. We're not ready for it.

"Sir, I'll stay here for the holidays. You can decide what you want to do."

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Two nights later, I find myself in the Great Hall for the schools Christmas dinner, before staff sends students home in the morning for the holidays. I sit at the Hufflepuff table with Macy, something that's usually unheard of, but it's the Hufflepuffs, so they don't mind.

Macy is gushing to me about the holidays, and presents, and what she's gotten for each of her relatives, and how much they're all going to love their gifts from her. I can't help but grin as she tells me, you don't find many people who are so excited about giving gifts. And, I can't be jealous, the two of us traded presents earlier in the day. I gave her a huge bunch of her favorite sweets that I ordered in the mail, since first years couldn't go to Hogsmeade. From her I got a wizards fairy tale book that I'm really looking forward to reading. Most of the way through the feast, she suddenly stops talking and turns to me quickly.

"Where are you going for the holidays?" she asks, quickly becoming worried. "I forgot for a bit. Did you find something to do? I don't think Mum and Dad would mind too much if I showed up with you at nine and three quarters..."

I take the time while she's talking to work out an answer.

"I did, yes," I tell her.

"Really?" She looks surprised.

"I'm actually just going to stay here for the Christmas break. But I think I've found a place to go for the summer, so that's nice," I say vaguely.

"Oh. Okay," Macy says. "That's really good!" Thankfully she doesn't ask for specifics. I don't want to lie to her, so far I've just left out a few major details...

"Thanks for the offer, though," I add, laughing lightly. "I'm a bit worried your parents would mind."

"They're pretty cool, actually. Maybe we can have you over just for a night or so! At least in the summer, I don't suppose they'll let you leave the school over Christmas. . . I can ask them about summer!"

"That would be fun, maybe," I smile. I figure I'll just make up an excuse as to why I can't come when the time rolls around, I'm really not ready for her to know about Snape, as if that wasn't obvious already.

"Yeah! I'll write you after I get home tomorrow."

"Sounds good," I grin. Macy nods excitedly.

"Sweet!"

"Tell me everything you get for Christmas," I joke.

"Will do," she laughs.