Finding Father

Chapter 12- What The @$!& Is Happening

The hallway is empty and quiet besides me and the other person, and my sobs echo through it. A minute passes before I head the person say,

"Here, settle down, come with me." I don't question them, and feel their arms leave me. They starts to lead me down the hall, and I stumble along next to them. Nothing's quite making sense, everything is just a horrible jumble of nonsense. I don't quite register anything they're doing, but follow along blindly.

I reach my free hand up, trying to wipe away the tears and clear my vision. I look up at the person. It's Snape. Of course it is.

I open my mouth to protest, but I stop myself. He's walking slowly, allowing me to keep up in my distraught state of mind, and his grip on my arm is light, guiding me. I focus my eyes straight ahead, not allowing myself to look at him or let him know I had been looking.

We reach the door to his office and go inside. He leads me to the chair in front of his desk and I sit down. He goes around to the other side and sits also.

"Alright. What has happened that you would be running the hallways in that state?" he asks.

"I, um, he- he killed her," I say, my voice shaking. From the look Snape gives me, he's obviously very confused.

"The murderer. Sirius- Sirius Black. He killed my-my mum," I choke out. "They found her. Just this morning." I can't go on, and I start to cry again.

Snape stares at me. A dark look flashes on his face but I see him push the thought away and compose himself.

"I'm not really sure what to say, this is. . . unexpected news, to say the least. . ." he says, at a complete loss for words.

"What am I gonna do," I sob. "I miss her so much already."

"Well," Snape looks down at his hands and then back at me. "You still have me, I suppose." I look up at him, astounded that he just said that.

"What?" He looks embarrassed but says,

"Well, I'm- I am still your. . . father. If you need that parental figure, I- I can try. I have too."

I take a deep breath, trying to think rationally. He right, I'm eleven freaking years old. I can't be on my own, not yet. And, he is my father. I can't just let him take over as my dad, though. Our short history is pretty rough, full of arguments and detentions.

"Well," I say, as calmly as possible, "Not much is going to change until holidays roll around and I'll need somewhere to go. It's that or stay here. But that's okay. We can try to get used to each other, maybe." Snape nods.

"I agree. Do we have a plan?"

"Yes," I say firmly.

"Is there anything, um, anything you want to.... talk about?" he asks me awkwardly.

"No, I think I'm just going to go back to my common room," I say. He nods, and I get up and leave.

***************

SNAPE'S POV

I watch the girl's retreating back as she leaves. I lean back in the chair, thinking over our whole conversation. Rachel Carter. . . dead. That was something I hadn't expected.

Two women. One, the only person I had ever truly loved, and the other the mother of my only child. Really, it's a horrible thing that they're not the same person. And now, on top of that, both of them are dead.

Now I've just got that little girl. A girl who's world is being torn apart by something I used to be a part of. Still would be, if it wasn't for Lily Potter.

Dumbledore. He would kill me if I didn't reach out to Avery. That's part of the reason I did. If I lose Dumbledore as an ally, I'm dead. The Dark Lord will find out and I will be killed.

But then there's the other part of me, the part that wants to love her and be her father. The part of me that needs that stability, that tiny rock to keep me grounded. And she looks like me. Her black hair, pale skin. She's half mine, and I want to love her, I really do. I'm just trying to figure out how.

We need each other. We're family, and we've both experienced terrible loss. We need each other, that's what's going to save us in the end.