Forgotten Hatred (Shizaya)

Chapter 8: Why?

Shizuo's POV

"Why?" I ask.

He doesn't respond. Instead, he looks off to the side.

"Why?" I ask again, louder this time.

This time he squirms around trying to get out of my grip.

"Izaya," I growl.

"Let me go, Shizu-chan," he says quietly.

"Then answer me."

"Blood will get on the floor unless you let me go," he ignores my demand and continues to act stupidly.

"Izaya, why did you do this?" I grab his head and force him to look at me.

"It was an accident," he tells me.

"How the hell was that an accident!" Of course I don't believe him, but I might as well hear his excuse.

"I found a knife on the table, so I decided to wash it in the bathroom since you wouldn't let me wash the dishes. Then once I got in there, I tripped and stabbed myself."

I stare blankly at him. "How stupid do you think I am?"

He looks away. "Well, to be honest, you're kind of really stupid, Shizu-chan. I'm really surprised you graduated primary school."

I glare at him. Calm down, Shizuo... He's just trying to distract you. You know how he is. I can't control my anger though, so instead, I let it explode productively...kind of.

"God damnit, Izaya! Stop screwing around with me and tell me why the hell you did this to yourself!" I punch the wall beside his head and form a hole. He flinches.

"Why do you care?" He asks quietly. I pause. Why do I care? I hate Izaya. He's my enemy. Shouldn't I be glad that he wants to injure himself and end his miserable life? I stare at the ground, trying to think of an answer. Blood drips from his arm and forms a small puddle on the carpet. Maybe...it's because I want to be the one to kill him...? Yeah. It has to be that.

I can't bring myself to say it. I try to, but it doesn't feel right to say it.

"Can you just forget about this, Shizu-chan?" I look up at him in shock. He looks at me with a look of desperation. Right now he looks like how I've felt for the past three weeks.

"Izaya...," I don't know what to say. Why is he giving me this look?

He pulls away abruptly and runs into the bathroom before I can register what happened. Then I hear a click.

"That won't stop me, Izaya." I tell him. I can easily break the door down.

"This is your house, Shizu-chan. You don't want to ruin it." I hear his muffled voice through the door.

I let out an angry sigh. He's really starting to get on my nerves. Then I think of something. "Well, if you don't come out, I'm going to get Shinra over here. I'll tell him you've been naughty."

"I haven't been naughty!" He argues.

"You're not listening to me! That's naughty. I'm supposed to be in charge of you, so you need to listen to me."

"Shizu-chan!" He complains.

"Open the door and I won't call him." It's good that someone so stubborn has a weakness.

I hear another click. "I'm not coming out."

I sigh and open the door. He's sitting on the edge of the bathtub bandaging his wounds again.

"You're such a pain. You know that?"

"I'm sorry," he replies.

"Are you ready to tell me?"

He looks away from me. "I hurt you so I need to hurt myself."

I furrow my eyebrows. "What are you talking about? You didn't hurt me." I rack my brain, but I can't seem to think of him hurting me.

"I killed your friend!" He looks at me desperately. "I can tell it tortures you to know that you have to stay with the person who resulted in your friend's death. If I wouldn't have dodged it, I would have died, and you'd be much happier. I keep trying to make it up to you, but it doesn't work. I can't continue living with this pain and guilt anymore!"

I'm honestly shocked. Here I thought if I blamed him, he wouldn't even care. I always thought he was just a selfish bastard.

I try to say something, but he continues. This time he speaks quietly. "I tried to drink at first. After you went to sleep, I would get drunk. I liked not having to worry about anything, but the guilt would come back in the morning. Then I decided to cut myself. I thought it'd be okay since there are places no one can see. I figured you wouldn't notice. I thought if you knew, you'd mock my weakness."

"Izaya," I put my hand on his knee. I'm not really sure how to comfort people. "I wouldn't have thrown it if I thought you couldn't dodge. It's just a horrible accident that she happened to be walking by. It's not your fault. If anything, it's mine." I'm shocked by my own words. They're the truth though. I think somewhere deep down, I'd feel worse if Izaya had died, whether I'd ever admit it or not.

He shakes his head. "It's not your fault, Shizu-chan. It's mi-"

I cut him off. "If it's not my fault, it's no one's fault. Okay?"

He looks at me sadly and nods. Before I know it, he hugs me. I awkwardly put my arms around him, too, and pat his back. He doesn't cry, but I can tell he's sad.

"Shizu-chan?" He asks after a minute.

"Hm?"

"Can you help me?"

"With what?" I ask. Does he need help cleaning up this mess?

"Make sure I don't hurt myself. I think I like the feeling of it."

Eh.................... "What?"

XxXxXxXxXxXx

There you go! This is a nice little chapter, right? It's not like it has feels in it at all, right?

Yeah, honestly, it's actually hard for me to read about Izaya hurting himself. I really love Izaya so it pains me for him to pain himself, but I like dark stories. It actually gives me panic attacks sometimes when reading stories where he hurts himself, so rereading the last chapter made me slightly anxious, so it's going to be a while before I can proofread this one. I act like I proofread chapters, but I usually don't; although, I'm trying to get into the habit.

Anyway, I think this line it hilarious, even though I wrote it: "It's just a horrible accident that she happened to be walking by." It's such a lie. I hate Varona with a passion. She tries to wreck my ship, so she dies. Sorry if anyone reading this actually likes Varona. I just can't stand her, so I killed her off. I could have not even mentioned her, but.... Nah!

Until next time! Please feel free to comment, vote, or message me.

Bye, bye!

28-8-16