colors | afi [WATTY'S 2017]

trente huit

july 23 1986

rose's pov

i let out a sigh and walked into the library, as i had to do a summer project and i needed to rent some books for research. in all honesty, i was only working on the project because i needed to get my mind off of mr. irwin and amanda.

amanda.

god, i did miss her. i missed harry too, i was just too scared to call him. i was embarrassed about how amanda and i ended things. i knew he wouldn't judge me, since he's been my friend for years, but i was just nervous. i couldn't face him because i lied to him too. i told him the image was nothing and now he probably knows the image was something.

i shook my head and picked up the books i needed in the non-fiction section and sat at a large table.

"rosaline?"

i looked up, already aware of who it is, and gave them a lazy smile. "hi mr. irwin."

"hello rosaline, may i sit?" he pointed to the chair across from me.

i nodded and watch him take off his suit jacket and sit. "what are you here for if you don't mind me asking."

"i had to return some books brent was reading, now," he folded up his shirt sleeves. "what has been going on?"

my small smile faltered and i looked down at the books, my glasses falling down my nose.

"would you like to talk somewhere else?" he offered.

"no," i shook my head, "here is fine. it's just embarrassing."

mr. irwin gave me a sympathetic smile, "it's okay rosaline. much has happened between us, i don't think it could get any worse."

i felt slightly offended and my cheeks grew rouge thinking about my 'sexual' encounters with him. "well mr. irwin," i paused, "i'm in love with you." his facial expression dropped, "i've taken so many pictures of you and i love being around you because you mesmerize me. i've never felt this way. the day i met you i was so attracted to you. as time went on it got worse, i fell out of love with amanda and in love with you. you give me this sort of light and color to my life. and then, when i found out you and mrs. irwin were fighting, i was so excited. i felt like i had a chance but so much happened. the time i kissed you, that moment in the car, when you yelled at me, your office, and amanda finding my album. i lost you, it's not like i had a chance with you because you're a married man, but it just hurt." i dropped my head, letting the tears slip.

i didn't receive a response so i thought mr. irwin had left, making me feel more hurt until i felt arms wrap around me.

"i know that was a lot to say and i want to apologize to you rosaline. i feel terribly sorry but nothing like this can happen with me or any other father you are attracted to again. it hurts lots more people than just you, okay?" he whispered in my ear.

i nodded and let my body fit into his, not moving a muscle, just basking in the embrace.

while i lost all my chances with mr. irwin, this moment was all i wanted.