You are what you eat HP

You Are What You Eat

(During the Philosophers's Stone)

Harry Potter in all his Boy-Who-Lived glory was walking with swagger down the hall when a greasy man with a stern face came up to him.

"Yo Potter, your momma called, she said you've got a detention you ungrateful Gryffindor," Severus Snape, Queen-B of Slytherin spat out some hurtful things.

"Whatever you say Grease Bat, at least I got to touch my mother," Harry smirked, before whipping on his shades and walking away as all the other students in the school screamed "BURNED!!!!!!!!!" Even Malfoy had to bow to Potter's superior burning ability.

"That's right people of Hogwarts, I'm Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Burned-Your-Ass," Harry called out to his legion of fan girls who all swooned at his scrawny little 11 year old self.

Then the Boy-Who-Burned-Snape swaggered out of that dank area with his better than yours squad, Hermione and Ron. Hermione was wearing her Bookworm and I know it shirt, and Ron was wearing his robes inside out because he could since he was in the Potter Squad.

The hall parted like the Red Sea to let Harry Swag Potter and his loyal squad out.

They moved with style to Hagrid's house, since they knew he'd be with them for detention.

"Yo to yo, giant in the house," Hagrid yelled as he excited his shack when he saw the Golden Squad walking towards him.
"Hagrid! My fav!" Hermione grinned, using a long dark arm to toss her hair behind her Tumblr style. Her swag flower crown staying on her head since she was the Queen of Hogwarts of course.
"Hagrid, sauce us some detention!" Ron crowed, whipping his hair like a f-boy.

"Comin' right up my peeps," Hagrid said, showing them Fang. "Let's go to detention! It's on the forest, and the forest is forbidden! But Dumbledore has double standards for rules! 10 points for Queen Dumbledore!!" Hagrid announced as he led them into the forest.

"This dark forest is seriously ruining my selfies," Hermione moaned, clutching her heart in denial.
"Bye now! Have fun doing whatever you're supposed to be doing! I don't remember since I'm High AF!!!" Hagrid laughed and walked away.

"Yo bishes! Let's go slay some stuff!!!" Harry smirked, walking deeper into the forest with his dumb wand pointed the wrong way.

All of a sudden, a large shadow swooped over the lot of kids.
"You're blocking my tanning sun!" Ron moaned.
"Oh sorry pureblood! But you're my peep! Not the tumblr Mudblood tho," the shadow said as it went away.
"Who was that?" Harry asked
"Obviously it was the Dark Lord," Hermione rolled her eyes at his obliviousness.
"Oy what's he doing at Hogwarts?" Ron demanded.
"Dumbledore practically invited him in with his lame security! I knew he should have hired some customs officers!" Hermione said.

The trio kept walking until they saw the dark shadow crouching over the dead body of a pretty unicorn. He was drinking it's blood.

"Yo Voldefart! Stap it!!! You'll become a unicorn like that!" Harry warned
"No I won't! Why?" He shot back, unicorn blood dripping from his mouth.
"Harry don't blame him, he's never had a mother to tell him that you are what you eat," Hermione scolded.
"You're so right Tumblr Hermione," Harry said

"You're wrong! I'm not going to be a unicorn!" Voldemort yelled. Suddenly a poof of white came from him. He was gone, and in his place was a unicorn.
"Voldeloser has been vanquished! I did it!!! He's now a unicorn forever and now he can't kill because unicorns are pure!" Harry yelled.
"Hashtag Unicorned!" Ron grinned.

"This shall always be remembered as the day of You Are What You Eat," Harry decided, and the gods made it so.
Up in heaven, Lily and James cried with joy for the very first You Are What You Eat day.

Forevermore, on every You Are What You Eat day, children sing the line of the day, singing about the triumph of the downfall of Unimort.

So remember children, don't be like Unimort, and always know that You Are What You Eat!