Jane: The Voices In My Head [h.s.]

Two

Jane sits alone on the swings, her head lowered and her eyes staring at the ground. She's been sitting like this and digging her feet in the softened dirt for ten minutes now. More accurately, she's been sitting like this for a month now.

For an entire month she's been alone.

It was subtle at first, the voices only started to show up when she was around people. At first, Jane ignored them and did her best to pretend that they weren't there. And it worked. For a little while, anyway.

No one really noticed the slightly panicked look in her eyes or how quiet she'd suddenly become. But they did notice when she started talking to herself and saying things that didn't make sense at all.

At first it was subtle and everyone just ignored it, like it was just a nervous tick or a slip of the tongue. Then it got worse. The voices got louder and she ended up telling them to stop because she was scared. No one knew what she was talking about and no one stuck around to find out. Not even Jenny, her best friend in the world.

Her classmates started to keep their distance and soon she was alone. She was different and different wasn't good. Even the teachers started to treat her like she was carrying some sort of disease.

Jane's parents are still trying. They ask her questions and try to talk to her about anything to keep her mind at ease and sometimes they buy her nice little things that she would only ever get on her birthday. She knows what's going on, but she's not going to tell them to stop because they're the only people that she has left.

There's a new kid in her class, his name is Harry. He keeps looking at her and asking the other kids questions. She might not be normal, but she can still hear and she isn't stupid.

She wants to say hello, but it's better if she just stays away.

Today she doesn't have a choice though. Her classmates want to show him exactly why he should stay away and they don't care if they upset her.

Jane keeps her head down as they walk over in a congregation, whispers passing their lips as if they're breathing fire.

The voices in her head are starting to warn her again. Telling her that this isn't going to be good and that she should run because they're going to get her. That they're going to hurt her.

She's trying her best not to listen. Not to jump off the swing and run home to hide in her room. Jane hates this. She hates hearing other people inside her head and not knowing where her thoughts are sometimes.

Jane doesn't know how to stop it and she wishes that she does because she likes people. She likes having friends and talking to people and now she's afraid of everyone. Even her parents.

"Hey, freak!" Thomas shouts from a few feet away to catch her attention.

Jane ignores him and continues to watch the dirt that the tops of her shoes bring up when she moves.

Run, Jane. They want you to be trapped. Can't you see all of them? What they've got in their pockets?

"Stop that."

Harry looks at her curiously and the other kids laugh.

Stop what? Telling you the truth? It's only a matter of time, Jane. They want to hurt you. Everyone wants to hurt you.

Jane lifts her hands to her ears and presses down as hard as she can manage, "No! You're wrong! Stop it! Please, stop!"

A few of the children are curious, others are frightened, and the rest are amused. Harry's the only one that feels bad for her, but she doesn't know that because she refuses to look up, refuses to gratify the voices that torment her.

Someone laughs. "See, we told you she was a freak."

Harry's silent because they're being incredibly mean. So what if she's different, it's obvious that something is wrong with her, but that doesn't make her a freak. However, he knows that if he says anything like that he'll be an outcast too and it's already bad enough that he's the new kid.

Someone throws a rock at her and the voices get louder.

Told you so. Run, Jane. They won't stop until your heart does.

Jane's terrified and tears are rapidly falling down her cheeks. She removes her hands from her ears and looks up to find everyone staring at her. They've only gathered around at the front of the swings, so she still has space to run. But what happens if she runs? Do the voices win? Will she get in trouble with the school? With her parents?

She looks around slowly, her eyes careful to notice anything that sticks out.

Jane's lower lip is quivering and her tears sting, "Please, stop."

"Why should we?"

Her lips part, but she doesn't know what to say, doesn't really have a good reason to tell them to leave her alone because none of them are her friends anymore.

She runs. She runs as fast as she can, tears blurring her vision and running down her cheeks like they're in some sort of a race. The teachers are yelling at her and a few of her classmates are laughing, but only a few.

Jane runs to the park up the street and sits beneath one of the large trees. She doesn't know what kind of tree it is, but she likes it because it's big and it's always so pretty in the summer with its bright green leaves and the colorful butterflies that like to rest on its branches.

It calms her down a little, but her hands are still shaking and she can't seem to stop crying.

She's only there for about two minutes before her teacher finds her. Mrs. Ruth scolds her for a few minutes as she practically drags her back to the school. From then it's more lectures and then her parents are taking her home with disappointed looks on their faces.

They don't say anything and she can't look at them because the voices are still there and she loves her parents. She loves them and the voices are wrong. They won't hurt her; they would never hurt her.

Jane doesn't say a word for the rest of the day and keeps to herself in her bedroom. She doesn't bother coloring or playing music because she's sure that she's in trouble. But she isn't in trouble and her parents are in the living room, talking about her and what they should do.

Michael throws out the idea of a hospital, Katherine is immediately upset.

"She's our daughter, Michael!" Katherine wipes her eyes and faces the adjacent wall, "I can't send her away."

Jane listens through the door with pouted lips. Everyone knows that the hospital isn't a hospital. The hospital is an institution where they take the 'sick' people, the people who aren't like everyone else. No one talks about what happens there, but everyone knows that it's not good.

Michael pinches the bridge of his nose, "I know that, Kat. But wouldn't it be better than letting this happen to her? She comes home and cries for hours and she doesn't even want to eat half the time. Sweetheart, I know how hard this is, she's six-years-old. Katherine, it's only going to get worse the longer that we wait. I love her just as much as you do, but what else can we do?"

He puts his hand on her shoulder and the tears start to fall gracefully. Katherine cries with her hand over her mouth because she knows that he's right, but she just can't do it yet. She can't send her little girl to that place. She can't.

Katherine turns around and Michael pulls her close, his hand lifting to smooth her hair as tears cloud his vision.

"Not yet. I can't send her there. Not yet, Michael. Not yet."

Michael nods and hold her a little tighter, "Not yet."