[[words for someone i no longer talk to; if only i could tell you now, that i do miss you]]
my chest still gets heavy
as all of those words,
those truthful words—
at the time i'd rather hear
lies than to hear what you
had to say— replay in my head.
over and over, louder and louder,
it all sounds the same, but these
words hurt more the longer
i think about them.
i said you were expecting
too much, your greedy hands
always needing more of me,
pieces i couldnt give, pieces
that i was holding onto—
whether it was to keep myself
from getting lost and drifting
away or because i knew someone
better who could handle me.
you said i was selfish,
you needed me to tell
you things i could not
say, to you it looked
like stubborness and
refusal, but truthfully
i declined because you
were only someone i could
lean on, not someone i could
fall for.
i said you spoke too much,
i preferred chopped up
sentences, not holding too
much meaning but just enough.
you talked and talked, and i listened
and didnt say a word, but my lack
of responses was another problem
alone.
you said i didnt care,
my head was too far up
my own ass, i didnt have
time for you, or for anyone
for that matter. i had no heart,
no feelings, just an empty person
living to be alive, but not
to live.
with you, no steps forward
were taken, we tried not to think
about that because who knows what
would happen if we just tried to
see the whole story instead of
focusing on tiny grammar mistakes.
with you, only steps backwards
were allowed, we'll yell and we'll
shout but we wont listen— the sound
of our own voices are more appealing
now than ever before.
now we're forced to pretend that
the other doesnt exist— whats
your name again? you look
awfully familiar.
