ive been having a hard time shutting
my mind off lately.
i cant seem to ever find the remote
and when i do there's always a battery
missing
so im stuck with my mind running endlessly,
on a loop of the same damn show everyday
and i just wish i could make it stop.
my mind is loud,
i cant seem to find a way to make
it not so fucking loud just so
that i can think for a second,
just so that i can be not so distracted.
sometimes my mind is clear,
so clear that i forget its all just in my head,
but sometimes its fuzzy.
sometimes the signal is bad,
like when theres a storm and the satellite
fucks up and the screen is just black and
white and gray and
nothing.
even when its nothing its loud,
ive tried to cover my ears and close my
eyes but i cant even hear myself breathe
and i start to wonder if i was ever breathing
to begin with.
i thought i was,
but maybe i wasnt.
maybe ive been holding my breath this
whole time,
maybe ive gotten my heart to slow down just
enough where its almost hard to tell
if im even alive.
am i even alive?
i think yes,
because my mind is still running—
ive yet to catch up with it—
but it reminds that i am very much
still alive and that i am very much still
fucking breathing.
