I can't say that I miss you.
But on sleepless nights, I do think of you.
I think of your smile; how you used to grin wide when you found something funny, how your eyes shone and lit up.
I think of how your voice used to calm something inside of me and make me weak at the knees at the same time.
I remember the ecstatic feeling I got whenever I saw you, and when we touched. The butterflies in the pit of my stomach that never seemed to go away whenever you were around.
I think of the times I was hurt because I fell into the trap of loving someone who was already in love but I smile. I smile because it made me happy to see you happy.
I think of all the words exchanged between us and I smile in the remembrance of how every time you spoke, I left feeling inspired regardless of how my overall day had been. Just a hello from you could bring me back to life.
I think of you throughout the day.
I think of you when I walk down the halls I'd seen you in, and on the bus because of that one time you'd said hey to me.
And of course, I think of you while scrolling through my Instagram feed and seeing one of your photos.
That's when I remember that you left. And just for a second I think I miss you. But then I realize, I was attached to a feeling of something between us that was only apparent to me. Something non existent. And if it doesn't exist, can it really be missed?
So that's why I say that I can't say I miss you.
But I do think of you sometimes.
And I wonder if you've ever thought of me like how I've thought about you.
mmxvi.ix.xvi
