Love and Fame (Harry Styles)

Chapter 12

Harry and I ended up in his bunk bed. Not to have sex or anything like that, but just to kiss and cuddle. And it was nice. Very nice.

After an intense make out session, I started feeling drowsy. It had been a long day and alcohol always made me drowsy in the end.

I turned my back to Harry and he pulled me close to spoon. We tangled our legs together and I kissed his hand before I placed it around my waist.

I wanted to lie like that forever, but in the back of my mind I started realizing that the sun would rise once more, and the alcohol would leave my body and then everything between us would change.

I dreaded the moment when we would have to face what we had done. What would the kiss do to our friendship?

I slept like a baby in Harry's arms. Sure, I always slept like a baby after drinking, but when I woke the next day something still felt different. I felt utterly... refreshed. There was not a single trace of the hangover I had expected and I woke with a smile on my face while Harry snored softly in my ear.

And then my morning-fogged mind finally wrapped around what had happened last night and every muscle in my body tensed at once.

Fuck. I had kissed Harry Styles.

I slowly wriggled myself out of his grip and slid silently out of the bunk bed not to wake anyone.

I prayed to God that the other boys hadn't noticed that I had slept in another bed as I locked myself in the tiny bathroom.

For a full twenty minutes I sat at the bottom of the shower while the hot water drizzled over my tense back and neck. I had my head in my hands, a posture of despair and regret.

Why had I followed Harry up on the roof? I had been fully aware of my feelings and I always did something stupid when I was influenced by alcohol. I should have known myself well enough to stay the hell away from him!

In the end I took a deep breath and braced myself for the coming day. I would have to face it eventually anyway.

Only Liam and Louis were up when I had finished my shower. They were seated around the table and seemed utterly unaware of what had happened between Harry and me, and I was indescribably grateful.

"You take really long showers," Liam commented dryly and I realized that I had been occupying the bathroom for almost an hour.

"Yeah, sorry, had to cure the hangover with a long and hot shower..." I lied as Louis offered me a bowl of cereal. "Did you have a good time last night?"

"Yeah, definitely," Louis said and Liam nodded in agreement. "You?"

"Yeah," I said, and to my surprise my answer was genuine. "I did."

Even though I regretted my actions like hell, it had been nice to kiss and cuddle with Harry. It had been nice to sleep in his strong arms as well...

Still I dreaded the moment when Harry would wake up. Would it be awkward between us? Would he tell the boys what we had done?

For some treason my biggest fear - other than losing Harry as a friend, of course - was that the other boys would know. They would never let me hear the end of it and that would not help me get over my crush.

Just as I took a big mouthful of cereal, Harry appeared. His hair was a mess and he seemed tired, but he had a lazily happy smile on his face as he plopped down next to me.

"You guys had fun last night?" he asked and everyone nodded. "Me too. I had a lot of fun."

My stomach clenched as I waited for Harry to tell Liam and Louis what we had done, but he didn't. Instead he dropped the matter and ate his cereal while we chitchatted casually about everything but what had happened last night.

I wondered if he would even bring it up at all. Was he waiting for me to do it? Or was he, like me, trying to forget it because it was wrong?

After breakfast we managed to pull Niall and Zayn out of their state of unconsciousness. They had their breakfast, still seemingly unconscious, and everyone got dressed.

The boys didn't have any interviews or anything, so we just played around with Niall's Segway backstage. Liam and Louis also fired up a couple of rounds of mean table tennis matches.

I left the room to get something to drink and when I turned around with a water bottle in my hands, Harry was behind me. We were alone and he had a happy smile on his face as he put his hands on my hips and leaned in for another kiss.

"Harry, don't..." I pleaded and he looked at me with confusion.

"Why?"

"We're just friends. I'm sorry, we can't be more than that," I whispered as I placed my hands on his strong chest to prevent him from kissing me, and Harry's eyes looked desperately into mine.

"Why not?"

"Because we're working together..." I said and Harry looked away. "What if it doesn't work out and we'll still have to see each other all the time?"

"Can't we just do what feels right now and take the problems if they were to come later?" Harry said and I squirmed. "Because you like me too right? Or did the kiss earlier mean nothing to you?"

"It meant everything," I admitted as I tried to keep my eyes from watering. "Harry, the kiss was magical... And I have yearned for it for a long time, but I can't. I can't do anything to screw all this up."

"If it meant so much to you, don't give a shit about everything else," Harry insisted and I gave him a sad smile.

"I'm sorry, babe. We just can't be more than friends."