The Frank Fic

The Rise of Cringelord

Four men entered the room led by Pepe an hour later, but in the darkness, Frank could barely make out the faces. They all wore trench coats and fedoras, making him cringe as he thought of Patrick fedora fisting his anus everyday for the past three years. Although, he was fond of Tyler and Josh, the fisting was unbearable with a fedora. One asshole could only take so much.

Still, he shook it off knowing he had to focus of he ever wanted to reunite with his long lost lover that awakened his sexuality and kinkiness. "Do it for daddy Shrek," he thought to himself as the five men sat at the table before him. Pepe sat directly across from him, smiling as he set his fedora in front of him. The others became clearer as the lights magically turned on. Before him sat Dil Howler, mythical son of Dan and Phil, a doge in a business suit, Yarko B., unicycle frog, and Pepe.

"What the hell? These guys are the illuminati?" Frank asked.

"Yes, they are," Pepe assured him,"And you could join them. That is, provided you agree to the terms and conditions."

"What is this? An iPhone update?"

"Quit the shit," Pepe snapped. Frank through his hands up in defeat, urging Pepe to go on,"Now there are only five rules. Boys?"

"Do you agree to fedora fisting and kinks on our dime at our command?" Dil asked.

"Yes," Frank sighed.

"Do you agree to protect the memes?" Doge asked.

"Oh, of course!" Frank smiled.

"Do you agree to become a meme?" Yarko asked.

"Hell yeah!" Frank exclaimed.

"Do you promise to contribute to our ramen noodle, Dorito, and Mountain Dew funds?" unicycle frog asked.

"I guess," Frank shrugged.

"Finally, do you swear to secrecy?" Pepe asked.

"I swear," Frank said honestly.

"Great. Now, please welcome Beebo Urie, the last member of our club, to commence your initiation," Pepe added. In walked a man with a sparkly suit that read "RIP Ryden" and a gigantic forehead. He held the largest fedora Frank had ever seen. Frank cringed at the site, but didn't complain. Pepe cleared his throat to gain Frank's attention again, and continued,"If I can shove this fedora up your ass, have it come out your mouth, and place it on Beebo's head, you're in, and we'll give you your illuminati name. Got it?"

"Got it," Frank sighed, dropping his pants and bending over. He heard footsteps as Beebo sat in front of him, humming.

"Is it still me that makes you sweat, Ryan?" Beebo asked,"Do you still kneel in the bathtub for me?" He shook and rocked, making Frank question the poor guy's sanity, but everyone knew Beebo loved Ryan Ross. Ryan made him unstable. Frank patted his head nicely until Pepe's long arm went through his ass, up his intestinal tract all the way up until came out his mouth with the fedora. Frank moaned as he saw Pepe's long, green arm and hand place the fedora on Beebo's head. Frank moaned once more as he pulled his hand back out.

"Welcome to the illuminati, Frank," Pepe smiled as he wiped the blood and stomach acid off of his arm. Frank pulled his pants up, smiling with pride. His anus never failed him. Never.

"Yes!" Frank cheered.

"Your new name is Cringelord. You will continue making YouTube videos and kink sessions with Patrick and the TØP boys until we call upon you again. You are not to speak of what happened today. Got it?" Pepe explained.

"Got it, but what about Shrek?" Frank asked.

"We'll call upon you. Don't worry. Go home, and put some vasoline on that asshole," Pepe said.

Frank nodded profusely, running  all the way home faster than he ever had before with excitement. He quickly vasolined his asshole, smiling at the thought of joining the illuminati...