dear matty,
i slept with my boyfriend last night.
i know that's not the right way to start a letter to your father, but it's not as if you're actually going to read this. or, if you do, you probably won't care.
mum didn't remember my birthday. most of my friends didn't either. and i don't even have to wonder if you did.
i never planned to lose my virginity at fourteen, but i did it anyway. i don't know why.
i don't recognise myself anymore when i look in the mirror, do you know that?all i see is a tumble of blonde hair, pale skin, acne scars, wide eyes, bleeding lips.
i wish i could be nine again. that was when i thought that mum was beautiful and invincible - and you were the most amazing person in my life. i truly believed that you were the one who was going to save me, as pathetic as that sounds.
i'm done with everything. i'm done with writing to you, hoping that you'll maybe turn out to be the person i want you to be.
i'm done with hoping that my friends have futures and that my boyfriend isn't just using me and that mum cares and that my writing will mean something to someone one day and that someday i won't have to burn my wrists with a lighter to feel something and that things will get better. because i shouldn't have been born. i was a drunken night, a mistake, and i can't ever change that. all i am, and all i ever will be, is your mistake.
you mean nothing to me, and i know i mean nothing to you. we might as well be strangers.
margo
YOU ARE READING
a letter a year // matty healy short fanfiction
Fanfiction- in which margo writes a letter every year to her father matty healy, but he never returns the favour - { matty healy short fanfic} {warning: contains cussing, references to underage séx, alcohol, drugs, racism, self-harm, domestic abuse // poten...
