a letter a year // matty healy short fanfiction

4 - "i promise i'm really trying"

dear matty,
it was my twelfth birthday today. i went with three friends to see a horror movie, and then we went back to my house and ordered a Chinese takeaway and watched Netflix in my room. before they went home we all went to the park across the road and met up with some boys. mum didn't mind, even though it was dark outside.
i didn't really know the boys we met up with, but one of my friends said that the oldest boy liked me. i don't know why, because I'm not pretty, but everyone says i look old for my age so maybe that's the reason?
mum doesn't know I still write these letters (she'd probably be angry if she found out). we don't talk about you much anymore.
mum has a guy she's seeing, but as far as i know they just have sēx and don't really talk to each other. it's kind of sad, actually.
and mum finally told me how you and her met. everyone used to say that you two dated and then mum got pregnant and it just didn't work out.
but mum was drunk a few nights ago and told me that she was a just some groupie you had a one night stand with after a gig. she also said you were a pretentious asshöle so she never dated you, even after she found out she was pregnant.
i think she's just upset about everything, though. you did support her until she gave birth and you used to visit or call every couple of months when i was younger, remember?
i understand that you don't have much time anymore because your band's getting really big and you're always doing concerts. i don't blame you for not being able to come over and see us because i know you still care.

my year has been okay. i failed my last maths exam and my english teacher says i lack concentration in class, but i promise i'm really trying, and i'm still young so it doesn't matter much, i suppose.
some of my friends asked about my dad a while ago and i didn't know what to say. i know that none of the magazines know that you got mum pregnant or that you have a daughter (i'm not even sure if your bandmates or parents know) so i just said that my dad lives in America and i don't see him much.
it would be really lovely if i could tell them the truth one day, wouldn't it?
but they probably wouldn't believe me anyway.
there's something i need to ask you, even if it sounds rude. the thing is that we don't have much money at the moment and I know you aren't giving mum any child maintenance, but we really really need it right now.
i know you have a lot of money so if you could please, please just send us a cheque or something? it would really help. thank you.
anyway, i hope you get this letter and maybe this time you can reply. good luck with your new album, i'm sure it'll be amazing. hope you had a good year!
write me back?
love margo x