You're Driving Me Crazy

Guards down

   Having reckless teenagers in class was one thing, and having two of them in separate hours, with each of them refusing to talk was another. Usually detentions were spent with students writing a confession essay about what they'd done wrong, and you could say this time, it was different.

"What?" Said Matthew in response to the long stare of Carol in silence.

"I'm waiting..." She looked at her watch to emphasize on her words. He looked up after playing with a pen for a while and then said "For me to leave?" Chuckling low on his stupid humor.

"Waiting for you to explain!" She said louder, wanting to sound like as if everything was under control. "Why you acted like trash the other day!"

"I think I should ask you the same thing!" He said pointing to her earlier behavior with a nod of his head.

He was right...she really did act like trash the other day. The thing was that her breathing had gotten out of control and instead of swearing those failures in her chest, she had gotten out of control herself. "I'm surprised you know!?" She said well aware that she was continuing to act aggressive" You call yourselves cool guys, though my words sounded offensive to you!"

Matthew looked up smiling stupidly, putting the pen away for a moment and laced his fingers" And we're surprised how those words came out of your beautiful juicy lips" He stared at her lips for a while and the winked at her. His comments weren't new to her. Hearing that kind of statements were regular in that school. She wasn't frustrated about it, the thing was she felt powerless, not being able to keep up with those rude but effective statements. "So this is the way you're trying to get off the detention?!"

"I don't...I'm not trying to get off anything" He smiled stupidly at her, the pen keeping his fingers busy one more time. He felt comfortable, sitting in front of the vice principal, on a Saturday morning and seeing her lose her nerve with each breath he took. She couldn't see any tension in his behavior or even stress. The thing was she was the one, feeling tension and was finding it hard to breath with him sitting with a very relaxed face. He was more difficult than Peter, she could admit. "Look" She said, finding the nearest chair to him and sat, crossing her legs" I don't really think you're losers or stupid." She said, trying to sound friendly"...just confused...young! And you've got no idea how the world works. But to make everything right, I suggest a deal..."She breathed out slowly.

"Ooh...I love deals!" He commented coming closer.

"You get off the detention in three weeks, if you promise to wright every little thing that goes on your mind" This was her little trick. Finding a way into their minds to get the whole control in her hands. Peter had given up being so tough, so Matthew would too, she thought. Tell me who your friend is, I'll tell you who you are, right?

"I really want to ease the tension between us." She spoke softly, trying hard to ease the tension. She even smiled at him.

He chuckled low and after a while of uncomfortable silence he said "We should've helped you drop that skirt sooner so now we wouldn't have had problems" smiling at her face one more time.

His comment made her mind go blank for a moment." Wasn't you who banged coach Wilson and so many other students, standing proud?!" He said that with a low chuckle at the end.

She opened her mouth in shock and got up, not being able to control her feelings" What did you say? Are you aware that your words are putting you in a way more difficult and dangerous situation than you already are in?" She was walking in circles slowly, her arms crossed. "Oh my God, What was I thinking!"

"Look, I'm sorry okay? It just slipped ..." He tried to apologize but she shoved her hand signing him to shut his mouth" You have gotten way out of line. I thought you were better than a douchebag who kept talking shit. I'm not dealing with you anymore." And she got out of the library.

The fact that those words had affected her deeply wasn't pleasant. She leaned on a locker in the hallways, trying to breath. In and out. In from her toes, and out from the top of her head. No, it wasn't right, friends are not so much alike she was convinced.

More she kept thinking, more it felt like her lungs were swollen, breaking her ribs and trying to crack her chest. It was never about a panic attack, or a some kind of lung disease; it was her nerves, it had always been about her nerves. She had always wondered why on earth would something affect her to the point of lung explosion.

She unbuttoned one button of her shirt, scratching her throat and chest, leaving red marks all over" get out, damn it" She whispered, like the air was some kind of human being. She rushed out hoping that fresh air would calm her stupid nerves. "It's okay, I've got you" She kept whispering and sat down on the cold concrete, on the stairs, trying to comfort herself since there was nobody else to do so. And the longer it took for her to catch a breath, the more tears began to fill her eyes and the more she felt dizzy. She was so used to keep a straight face that crying in that moment felt ridiculously strange, like she had let her guards down. She felt sorry for those failures in her chest. " Unmeasurable amount of stress" The doctors had diagnosed. Seemed untreatable; but nothing is unfixable right?

"There was this grassy hillside in the town where she used to live when she was younger, which was windy all the time. The wind made the grass move in such synch that it looked like a wavery ocean. She loved that hillside. That was where she'd first kissed a guy, first smoked a cigarette. Where she'd promised herself she would always be where the wind is, no matter what."

  She breathed slowly thinking of that hillside. Finally; a deep breath. A light smile formed on her lips subconsciously. She got up and walked to her car slowly, putting a straight face on again, like nothing had ever happened.

./.

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