Wayward

Breaking

Author's note!

This chapter gets a little, depressing so if you have any triggers of suicide I would recommend cautiously or not reading this at all! Anyways, love you all! And please listen to the song, helps get the mood going for the chapter. Put it on repeat!! It goes will with almost the whole chapter!💖

Haddi's POV

"She won't get out of bed, the doors locked and everything." I heard the muffled conversation through my door, I felt my body becoming heavy again. I can't do this anymore, I can't sit here and pretend everything's okay. Because it's not, none of this is. I let my head fall back against the door, I don't want this anymore. Everyone hates me, I might as well be sleeping with everyone to get something out of all of this. No. Stop, I can't think like that. I'll just be letting them win, like they always do. I heaved out a heavy sigh knowing fair well I have to face everyone at some point.

"Haddi." I heard Harry's voice. "Listen, please don't lock yourself in there. You don't need to be alone right now. I don't want you to do anything you will regret either, please open the door." I furrowed my brows.

"What do you mean, anything I'll regret?" I whispered out, not sure of they heard me I glanced towards the bathroom. You don't think-

"Haddi, it's okay to admit it." My eyes widened and I froze, he can't know. "A lot of people develop eating disorders when they tour, just let us help." But, the only person who knew was-

I stood up and threw both my fists on the door, letting the tears fall out.

"YOU PROMISED. YOU PROMISED YOU WOULDN'T TELL A SOUL." I screamed pounding my fist on the door. "I trusted you, I let you in." I whispered out, sinking to the floor.

"Haddi, please I am sorry. I was scared that you were getting worse, I needed help." I laughed in between my tears.

"Oh, you needed help. Well if you needed help forget what I needed."

"Haddi do not be like that, I have been your friend for how many years?" Kira responded.

"You told. You told them when I told you specifically not too." It was silent. "When did you tell the girls?" I whispered, she didn't answer. "When."

"A week after you told me." I felt my chest tighten and I dropped my head in between my knees.

"Well I hope you are happy, all of you. I am not perfect, and there's my secret Zayn. Do whatever you want with it, I don't care anymore." I laughed out, shakily standing up.

"Haddi open the door!" I walked over to my suitcase and opened it, seeing my toiletries bag I zipped it open and saw what I have dreaded. My sleeping pills. You don't need to do this, put it back and go to your friends. No, they don't need someone like me dragging them down. If they can't keep one secret who knows what else is going to get out. That I can't even feed myself, that I am as fragile as glass and I need someone by my side all the time. I looked down at the pills in my hand, it's okay. It'll be okay, you've wanted to do this for awhile now. I lifted my hand to my mouth, dropping the pills in. I went to swallow all of them when Zayn's face was right in front of mine. He grabbed my mouth and was saying something but I couldn't hear, he finally opened my mouth but it was empty. I felt the tears falling and my body being lifted, my eyelids were becoming heavy. I saw my door broken off it's hinges, and everyone looking scared. Then everything was black.

Kira's POV

I was sitting in the ER waiting with the rest of the group, Liam was rubbing my back as I leaned forward and put my head in my hands. Haddi's lifeless body was the scariest thing I have ever witnessed, the way she was just laying there. No sign of life, I wanted to hold her and tell her she was okay. That I didn't mean to tell anyone but I had too. I couldn't lose her, and I didn't want to. But really I just pushed her closer to ending everything. The pills, she had them this entire trip. We all knew she needed them to sleep, a lot of us take them from time to time. But I had no clue she had saved a bottle, she could have done it at anytime and we would have never known. I remember the day she confessed to me about her ED, she was a wreck and couldn't get herself to eat. I helped her eat and keep down a banana and yogurt on the tour bus. I should have stopped her right there and gotten her to at least get checked out at the hospital. Now she could be dead, oh god she could be dead. The doors opened and instantly Zayn and I stood up. The doctor smiled at us and walked up to our group.