theres not much i can say ive been through a lot and im not sure where i stand right now because some days i feel this lifeless cold taking over my mind and i try to look past it but the fog is too thick to see through and i just deal with it i float along in my head until it thaws out and i am able to think just a little more clearly that is what the normal days are like i am always expecting some clouds or wind or static and i am growing more used to it on the good days there is warmth all i feel is sunshine and there is not much to say about these days they are just days where i can focus these are just days where i feel sane and they dont happen that often but im hoping to change that we dont talk about the bad days because i dont want to live in them anymore and my best coping mechanism is ignoring it until the "bad days" is a ghost in my memory no longer something i experience all just something that floats in the back of my head with no meaning like did this really happen was that really who i was because i dont remember that is my goal to forget this stage where i am not growing because i deserve to grow all the time its gonna be ok im gonna make it out alive
