a letter you'll never read

the second letter

Dear Nayeon,

Do you remember the first person you've been afraid of ?

I was in Junior high that time. My world revolved around sports.

[Summer, 1970]

"Ya! My oppa seems to like you." Sana told me as she passed the ball. We're in soccer field. Practicing daily.

"I don't like stuffs like that." I said.

"You dork. " Jihyo smirked.

"It's because my life revolves around sports" I said.

My life revolves around sports and a certain person.

"Nayeoooon!" I waved at her while doing soccer at the field.

"Here goes her girlfriend." Sana teased.

What?! I face turned red as she said that. Come on! We're both girls, aren't we? I walked towards Nayeon and talked to her.

"How was practice?" she asked.

"Nothing much, the sun burns!!" I said doing a very wacky expression.

She laughed seeing my expression, "You look so tan now."

"Yeah, and your skin is as pale as ever. You're getting thinner too." I said as I worry.

You had always been pale since young and you're always weak. You loved staying indoors and would write stories and poems. But more than any other talents, it's your singing that is most amazing.

"Do you eat enough?" I asked as i look at your thin wrist.

"Thanks for the worry, jeongyeon. But I'm fine." You said as you pulled me and hugged me from the back.

That was the first time my heart beat turned so abnormally fast. So fast that i was afraid it might come out from my rib cage.

That was the time I became aware of your roses smell, the way how slender you are. And how soft is your figure. I was aware of your entire being.

Days came when my eyes would naturally search for you in the crowd. When I would secretly look at you. When i will find myself staring for no reason at all. And also when my heart would beat incredibly fast when our skin would touch and our eyes would meet.

I was so confused that time. I didn't know what it is. I was scared of seeing you that I avoided you.

I was scared to love you.

I was scared on how my heart beats fast.

I was scared on how you could affect me in any way.

I was afraid on how you could kill me anytime you want.

I was afraid of you.