a letter you'll never read

a letter for Jeongyeon

[Autumn, 1974]

I'm looking at Nayeon's photos from my wallet. It's been a year already.

"Hey Jeongyeon, isn't that nayeon?" Tzuyu asked me.

This is Tzuyu. A enchantingly beautiful girl I've met few years ago. But more than her face, she's a girl with a lot of courage and a big heart. The first time we met, was at a math class and afterwards this yoda hand me over a love letter.

I just smiled at her as I caressed Nayeon's picture.

"You must be missing her so bad." Tzuyu said

"She sure is." Sana said.

As I told you, when i first met Tzuyu hand me over a love letter, only for me to pass it down to her long time crush, Sana.

And now, they are together.

"Yes..." I said.

"...I miss my wife so much ." I smiled bitterly sweet as I remember my nayeon.

A year was never enough for me to finally move on. The first month was the most difficult and I cried almost everyday. The day she was gone, felt like the world abandoned me.

[Autumn, 1973]

"Nayeon, are you leaving me already?" I asked as I cried looking at her, gazing right into her eyes wishing it wouldn't be the last one.

The fear of losing her overcame and terrorized my whole body. My feet felt weak, my chest are beating so violently and my throat feels like it's blocking my airways.

"My Jeongyeon.... D-don't cry." She showed me her beautiful smile as i felt her cold hands caressing my cheeks. Wiping my tears.

"N-no. Nayeon... please. Please d-don't. Nayeon... i-i love you so m-much.. don't leave me. P-please. Just n-not yet... Not now." I pleaded like a child as i put both of my hands on her cheeks, "We'll still go to the park, you'll still sing for me and we're going to see the sunset, r-right?"

"I'm sorry... " Out of breath and full of pain, a tear fell down in her eyes, she lean forward with her all might, as our lips touched and her eyes closed forever.

"I love you, Jeongyeon."

I died everyday.

Since she left, i felt like i'm being killed every single day.

I'm now wallking my way to her house. Once a week i'd visit her mother. The path was just like the way it used to be. Surrounded by enormous trees. It was now autumn so the leaves are everywhere.

I hate autumn now. I also started to hate love letters, flowers and rainbows. I hate every beautiful thing that remind me of her.

I hate how every love song, she still comes to my mind.

As i walk nearer to the apartment, i saw the thing i hate most.

Sunsets.

It took a while but i'm finally in her apartment's doorsteps. The hallway is full of memories of her, that i couldn't help but to close my eyes. Her mother greeted me and gave me some coffee. We would oftenly talk a lot about Nayeon.

That time when Nayeon decided that she would just die even without telling me, her mother was the one who called out for me to meet her.

"I'm thankful that in her last moments, she was with you." Her mother told me. "Ever since young, as her mother, I've always knew you are someone special to her."