a letter you'll never read

the last letter

Dear Nayeon,

Why did you leave me?

Your hands shook as I held it, "Jeongyeon, I'm dying."

It didn't sink in until you covered your face with your hands.Tears fell down from my eyes. My world felt like it fell a part.

Because, My world is you.

"Nayeon no..." I said as I my lips trembled.

My nayeon. My beautiful Nayeon is dying. And I didn't even knew. Never in my dream have I thought that you will be gone. Continuous tears came flowing.

I've cried my lifetime supply of tears. It was the most painful thing to ever accept, that you will have to leave me permanently.

But Nayeon, you tried to act strong in front me. You tried to be better in front of me. That's where my strength came from.

When tomorrow came, I heard your cries while your sickness attacks her.

[Summer, 1973]

"Nayeon? You'll be okay my baby. Don't cry. I'll get jeongyeon." I heard her said as she caressed her face.

"No mom, I don't want her.. to see my like this." She said as she catched her breath.

I was on the verge of crying. I came in and held her hand.

Your weakness, flaws and everything about you, didn't I say i'll embrace those too?

"Ya, Nayeon-ssi don't give up. You'll become a singer right?" I said, trying to hold back my tears.

"I will.. maybe.. in my next life." Nayeon said as she laughed, showing those bunny teeth I loved.

You were covered in sweat and looked so much in pain so i just held your hand so desperately hoping that you won't let go. That you won't leave me just yet.

3 days passed by and I will come by the hospital. We will talk for hours like we were before.

There in the hospital I bump into Momo, in the next room. She had cancer. That is why she was close with you that time.

And also, that time, you stood me up on our birthday. It was probably because you were hospitalized.

It will only be a month? It's like my whole body can't accept it. And I felt pain all over of me on the thought of losing you. It hurts because you're the only one I want to be with in this lifetime.

You looked so happy as I pushed your wheel chair in the hospital garden. You always loved flowers but there wasn't enough space in your apartment.

She picked and smiled ever so lovely, "Pretty flowers."

"Are you kidding?" I laughed. "You're prettier."

"Pabo." Nayeon laughed.

"I love you, Nayeon. Forever." I said like it was the most natural thing in the world.

I reminisce on our first meeting, when we were kids. When we were in Junior high and all through the years of happiness and sadness.

"There wasn't a single moment in my life where I didn't love you."

"Jeongyeon..." she replied with such a painful expression. "I couldn't be with you in the future you know."

"I know, but will you... go with the park with me sometime?" I tried smiling.

"Yeah, I want to see bunnies." Nayeon smiled.

"Will you.. sing for me?"

"of course." She giggled.

"Will you see the sunset in the beach with me?" I said again as I kneel I front of her.

"Yeah, i love the sea." She smiled again.

I grabbed your hands as our finger entwined, "then will you... marry me?"

Nayeon looked at me, confused. "Jeongyeon... No."

"You don't love me?" I asked her again.

"Of course I do but.." I put my forefinger to her mouth and kissed her hands.

"I, Yoo Jeongyeon, take Im Nayeon, to be my wedded wife. To hold from this day forward, for better or for worse..." I stopped as I forgot the next line.

Nayeon laughed and tightly held my hand, "for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health.."

Entwining our fingers that fit perfectly as I continued saying the same lines with her, "to love and to cherish."

She stopped. So i continued.

"Through death and to the next life." I said as I kissed you.

As our lips touch, I felt your tears.

I cried looking at my most beloved.

looking at my bestfriend,

my childhood friend,

my first love,

my soulmate,

and the reason for my being.

"I love you."