a letter you'll never read

the fourth letter

Dear Nayeon,

What are you sorry for?

March 11 after that, You avoided me and you never said anything to me. After I told you that I love you, you didn't say anything.

You look pained.

Why? Why did I end up loving my bestfriend?

Why did I end up loving im nayeon?

Why does it need to be you?

March was a month of tears and all the months that came after.

It was hard to bear a life without you.

[Summer, 1971]

I went into a café.

There was a beautiful part-time waitress there. She is always smiling. She is very energetic.

She look so cheerful.

So much that it reminded me of you.

Her name was Dahyun.

Turns out we are going on the same school. She confessed to me and we ended up dating. I fell in love with her, or so I thought.

Months passed by more, you and I will pass by each other but would never say a word. I hated you.

I hated that I still love you.

One night, it was me and Dahyun's monthsary. Dahyun was very beautiful, that one will always end up very captivated. Just for a moment, I thought maybe i could just forget about you. That I should just deny this feelings i have for you. We dated in a restaurant when you suddenly called me.

[Spring, 1972]

"Jeongyeon..." I heard her little voice, "I need to see you."

My heart was confused that time but i was incredibly happy. I felt my heart fluttering and my pulse rate racing.

Dahyun said I should go and you might think I am detestable since I didn't even falter and didn't even glanced back at Dahyun when I left her.

But that's when i knew for sure; that right from the start, there was never anyone but you. No one was ever a choice. When I came into your apartment, you were sititng on the porch and sobbing.

The first time i saw you cried. You were quivering and look so fragile.

That first time you showed me your weakness.

I can't help myself but to embrace you. I can't help myself but want to embrace every side of you.

Your flaws and weaknesses. Everything.

She cried as she hugged me,

"Jeongyeon.. I love you. But I'm sorry."