let's write stories at 5am

How to Life

There are many things in life that you need to know, but no-one really tells you about them. Like how to cope with depression, tell someone they're terrible at something (nicely), or become popular. Sure, there are self-help guides strewn all over the Internet, bookshops, everywhere... but that text doesn't mean much. I don't know if this guide will be any better , but post a comment or PM me if you want to have a real chat with a real person. I promise I won't tell anyone about anything you tell me, not even if you ask me to.

Firstly, the cheerful stuff: becoming famous.

I get this question a lot. 'How did you get so popular?' 'I only have three followers, please help!' 'I want more reads!' The simple truth is, there is no certain way. I used to only care about the numbers, too. When I first joined Wattpad, it was around the time for the Wattys. I wrote a hasty story, eager to try and win something, get some money.

And naturally, it didn't win. It got about twenty reads. I didn't care about anything but finishing a half-assed attempt at a story, only thinking of the money. If you only care about yourself with your stories, writing them for your own personal gain, then you'll never get anywhere.

So forget all that stuff about followers and reads. Update regularly; that's the best advice I can give you. It's a tip I got from jdoeko, the author of VIRUS, one of the first books I read on Wattpad. To this day, I have no idea how LaaMM became so popular. I think part of it is that Minecraft wasn't a huge thing on Wattpad yet. The most popular Minecraft stories only had about 10k reads. But an even bigger part of it is the fact that I wasn't doing it for myself. There was no contest, no money. I didn't expect it to become so popular, but I'm so pleased it is. There's no better feeling than reading the positive comments on your stories - well, except reading hate, of course.

Secondly: good usernames.

'But Fire! You didn't put that in the first paragraph!' Ahem. Boot to the head.

Usernames are a huge part of who you are on Wattpad. In my opinion, a username with random numbers or underscores is an instant nope. Then again, cold_lady19 is the most famous Wattpad user ever (I think) and she's breaking all the rules. Xx thingys are also kinda stupid, and a username which is a reference to a fandom (eg. HarryStylesIsSexayyy) will turn away anyone who hates said fandom. Then again, if you've got a fandom-related username, the stories you're posting are probably fanfiction of that thing anyway...

All right, now we get to the good stuff. How to cope with depression.

Crying's the obvious one. Cry into your pillow, cry in the bathroom, cry in public... well, maybe not that last one. But crying really does help alleviate depression. Also related is screaming. Sometimes you just really want to yell, shout, scream. I recommend screaming into your pillow.

If that doesn't do the trick, try running away from home. For a while. Don't force yourself, though. I considered running away many times before I actually did it. If you're scared about your escape, alt+F4 immediately. When I ran away, it was a very spontaneous thing. I wasn't scared a bit, and had no regrets. The (kind of) fresh air really helped clear my head, and I just needed some space to breathe. I even fell asleep on a bench. Fun times. If you want to, go back home. If you don't, don't. But remember, if you do this even if you don't want to, it'll only make you even more miserable.

Then there's self-harming. Many people tell you not to do this, because it's easy to get addicted. It's true, but it really does help. It's costless and there aren't really any side effects. Except for hallucinations, maybe, which I've been having lately. Probably not a good thing. Again, don't force yourself yada yada.

Finally, constructive criticism.

Ugh.

It's a phrase that's bandied around a lot, but not many people know how to actually use it correctly. Heck, even I'm not that great at it, but I'll try my best. There are two parts to this. Giving it and receiving it. I'll start with the giving.

I bet you all know that feeling. A friend of yours writes a story. It's absolutely shit. I'm sorry, but there's not much else to describe it. Why is it so terrible? Oh, I don't know... plot line is non-existant? Grammar is worse than a two-year-old's? But down to the comments you go, saying 'This is really good!' and maybe even chuck a sympathy vote in there.

Don't. This doesn't help anyone. You've got to help these people. I sound really snooty, I know, but some people need a little bit of help to become a good writer. So how do you deal with this?

Include positive comments in your criticism as well, and be specific. Saying 'This is shit' and leaving is even worse than lying. Say stuff like, 'The story looks great, but I noticed a few grammatical errors' and vice versa. Maybe send them a PM. No-one likes to be criticised and humaliated in front of potential readers, so if you really want to crank the criticism into overdrive, take it somewhere where you can have a one-to-one conversation.

But don't leave them floundering there - if you take the fish out of its water, you've got to place it in a new tank. Help this poor soul out. Think of ideas together, or become a grammar teacher for a day.

Whatever you do, don't be nitpicky. 'There's a grammatical error on line 45. F in English, get out of my life, you suck.' (Yes,that was a weak comma. Not even bothered.) You can allow the odd error to slip through. Unless they ask you to help with editing, give them a big gold star with '100% genius' on it and don't show them the little scratches you can barely even see.

In case you haven't realised, I like to use metaphors a lot.

Above all things, though, don't be a hypocrite. If you've got terrible grammar yourself, don't go making other people feel bad.

And now for the receiving part.

Getting constructive criticism is the best thing a writer can get. Positive comments are nice and all, but they won't help build your house. Sure, they'll keep it standing, but only criticism can build it up into a magnificent mansion.

So don't mope over the bad things people say. Use their feedback to improve your stories. Remember, if you're on this site, you're probably still legally a child. You've got a whole lifetime ahead of you to constantly get better. There's a theory that you need ten thousand hours of practice to master something. If you write for an hour a day every single day of the year, it'll still take you nearly seven years to fulfil your ten thousand hours.

I think there was something else I thought of writing, but I'll end this off here. If you've got any ideas on what I should advise you on, chuck 'em in the comments and I might just write a r̶a̶n̶t̶ guide to it.

Fire, signing out. Toodles.