let's write stories at 5am

Attention everyone! No, really. This is a rant about attention.

There's been a lot of stuff going round recently in the depressing region. People falling ill, cutting, trying to commit suicide...

Here's the thing. You only know about this because the actual person says it. If they were truly depressed, they wouldn't tell anyone.

I used to cut as well. Every day, I'd take a blade to my forearm. Once I tried to count all the cuts.

I lost count. There were too many.

Eventually, though, I told my parents. They were absolutely shocked, of course - but at the same time, relieved that I had told them.

Because of this, I've been seeing a psychologist. That's right, my parents have been taking me to a proper doctor to try and make my mind a bit more stable.

But before that, I literally told no-one. I told my close Wattpad friends, but that was it. They tried to spread the word, but I hated that. I didn't want people feeling sorry for me and comforting me. I just wanted to be left alone with the blade.

As for falling ill... I can understand if it's something very serious. I'm not going to name names here, but you can probably guess what the line between serious and just plain ill is.

I once stopped breathing completely. My parents called 999 and I was whisked to the hospital in an ambulence. I started breathing again before long, but I was having trouble doing so. I was put under oxygen, and different doctors came to see me, lying pale and helpless in the hospital bed. One of them tried to turn the oxygen down a little. Big mistake. My mum hurriedly ordered them to put it up again.

I stayed in the hospital for three days before I was allowed to go back home again. Turned out that there was a swelling in my throat that had almost closed it up, caused by a rare mixture of two diseases. If I hadn't gone to the hospital in time, the inevitable would have happened and I wouldn't be here today.

And yet I told no-one. I didn't share it on Facebook. I told my friends at school that I went to hospital, but I didn't fill them in on the details. It would only make them depressed.

Also, a pet peeve of mine: people who claim they're insane. Say you're weird. Say you're random. But please don't say you're insane. I know how it feels to keep laughing and be unable to stop, terrified at how much you're laughing. Terrified at yourself.

So why do people say these things so easily, so casually? Main reason: attention. Most of you are going to hate me for this, but if you've never seen a doctor, never taken medication, never been told that what you've been saying all this time is true...

You don't have depression. You're not going to die. Thankfully I'm currently not in a depressed state, as denoted by a test the psychologist gave me, but I have close family members who take medication for it.

If you're telling people about these things, they aren't serious. Please just calm down and cut in peace. I know it sounds horrible, and even more of you probably hate me now. But please, just... just stop.