Ramblings

Tenses

Hello everyone.

This is a bit different from the things that I usually do, but I felt it was necessary for me to get my thoughts out. Sometimes they start screaming in my mind and this is the only way for them to silence.

But sometimes quiet is violence. (if you got that you are my new favorite person)

Today I was inspired by fudgesaucecakes to write this, so thank you. 

In one of her recent thoughts stories, she talked about how she is always living in the future or the past. And I realized I am the exact same way. I am always worrying about the future test, the essay due, or *shudders* high school.

Or maybe I am cringing at how bossy I sounded when I was talking to a friend last week, or how annoying I probably was when I wouldn't stop talking about frisbee.

I realized that this is a problem.

The present is such a fleeting period of time. It is gone before you even know it. As some say, there is no time like the present. I haven't allowed myself to live in the present for a very long time, and I think I should start to.

Because living in the other tenses has made me unhappy. Since we all have such a short time on this wonderful and confusing place that we call Earth, we should spend it being happy.

Maybe I should stop the cringe attacks, or the over anxiety, and just enjoy what I have right now. Because I am so so lucky. More than I realize.

I have two parents that are happier than when they met over 30 years ago, friends who will support and love me through the worst of it, and though I hate to admit it, a brother who would do anything in the world for me.

I'm sorry if I sound vain. That is not what I am trying to do. I am trying to be grateful for what I have.

I think from this day forward, I will vow to stop having cringe attacks. I will vow to stop having existential crises. I will vow to put happiness above all, because when I am (hopefully) old, laying in bed dying, I want to remember being happy.

Living in the past has not made me happy. Living in the future has not made me happy either. So  a compromise is the present, and do I ever hope it works.

Aufweidersehen everyone, and remember to live in the present.