You And I: On Tour

Connor IV

When Troye left after I shut the door in his face, I sighed. It was so hard to be around him and act like I didn't want to just hold him close. I knew exactly why we had barely talked for three weeks but I was still waiting for him to really apologise. I'd thought my threat of leaving would be enough but clearly, it wasn't. I didn't want to actually leave but it seemed like I had to now.

I pulled my phone out and sat on on the bed, opening the browser and looking up flights from LA to New York. I was just about to book the flight when there was another knock at the door.

"I'm not changing my mind, Troye." I called.

"It's not Troye." I recognised Emma's voice and tossed my phone aside. I crossed the room and opened the door.

"What's up?" I asked before noticing that Troye was standing just behind her. "Troye, I told you, I'm going home."

"I know. And that's why Emma's here."

"Connor, I know you're hurting. You both are. But we really do need you to finish the tour. That song is the one that makes or breaks the show."

"I'm sorry, Emma. I really am. But I can't do another month of this."

"Okay, that's it." She looked between the two of us. "You two are acting like children. Just apologise to each other and get on with the show." She gave Troye a push into the room.

"Hey!" He stumbled a little, catching himself on the door frame.

"I'm not letting either of you out of this room until you've kissed and made-up. This argument is petty and over nothing and you both know it." Now Emma actually looked mad. She shut the door, leaving Troye and I staring at each other. Troye took a step towards me and I took one back.

"Don't. I'm not ready for that." I said.

"Okay. I'll respect your boundaries. I just really need you to know how sorry I am. I never meant to hurt you."

"But you did. And the past three weeks, you've barely done anything to get me to forgive you."

"Then let me try now." He looked me right in the eye and I nodded.

"Go ahead." He took a deep breath.

"Connor, the first time I saw you in the hallway, I knew you were something special. You didn't even look at me but I could feel something starting to grow. My feelings for you took over pretty soon and you were all I could think about. I spent hours daydreaming about you. Then you ended up in the hospital and all I could think was 'please don't die when we've barely even had a chance to talk'." He paused and looked at me, his eyes asking if he should go on.

"Yes?"

"The whole summer with you was the best summer of my life. I've kissed plenty of people; guys and girls, but none of them ever felt as special as when I got to finally kiss you. That night, I was so worried you'd be mad at me. I thought I was stupid trying to talk to you at 3AM. But you gave me the best present in the world. Your kiss. After that, my world was perfect. I had you and that's all that mattered. When you said yes to going on tour with me, I was so happy, I can't even tell you. Every night between then and the start of tour, I imagined what it would be like to travel the world with the most important person in my life."

"So did I."

"I wasn't finished. I love the time we got to spend together, exploring the cities in Europe and I deeply regret not doing the same in the Australian cities.But more than that, I regret what I said to you on the plane." He stepped forward again but this time, I didn't move away. "I told you once that I jump to conclusions easily and that 's what I did on the plane. I heard what you said and the wrong part of my brain registered it. I was heart-broken to think you didn't want to spend the rest of your life with me. I wanted to hurt you back and I let my tongue run free, not thinking about what I said until after. I know you love me, I know that. And what I said wasn't just mean, it was cruel. After everything we've gone through, that sort of thought shouldn't even be in my mind, let alone being voiced. There's no amount of words to say how sorry I am, but I really need you to believe that I am sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Troye..."

"I've been losing my mind not being with you and I need you to find it in your heart to forgive me. I know I don't really deserve it but I need it. I couldn't live with myself if you went on hating me. I'm so sorry, Connor, I love you and I would never hurt you like that again, if you'd just give me a chance." He was crying now. I was on the verge of tears myself but I bit my lip, not wanting to cry right now.

"Can I talk now?" He nodded silently. "Okay. Troye, I do love you, I never stopped. And I want nothing more than to be with you again."

"Does that...?"

"I'm not done. You really hurt me, Troye. I've cried myself to sleep every night since the fight. But I miss you. I miss kissing you. I miss sleeping next to you. I miss holding your hand. These past three weeks have been torture. Every time you were near me, I wanted to just hold you and tell you that you're forgiven. But I didn't. Because I needed to hear from you that you were sorry. And that you wanted my forgiveness. I needed to hear those words from you and you never said them. I started to believe that you really didn't love me anymore. And then you sang that song. That stupid homecoming song. That was a low blow. You know what that song means to me and hearing you sing it again just ripped open the would even more. And to hear that it wasn't even your idea, that was the final straw. That was when I convinced myself that you really didn't love me. That was when I made the decision to go home instead of continue the tour."

"I didn't know."

"I know you didn't. That's why I'm telling you."

"So what now? Are you still going home?"

"That's up to you. I haven't booked a flight from LA yet but I was just about to. Do you want me to stay?"

"Of course I do. But if you're not happy here, I don't want to make you stay. I just need to know one thing."

"What?" 

"Do you forgive me?" There was a moment of silence between us and I stared into his deep blue eyes, contemplating my next move. When his hopeful expression began to fade, I lost my control and grabbed his face, bringing it to mine and kissing him.

"Yes, Troye. Yes, I forgive you." I said, barely pulling away from the kiss. He laughed and threw his arms around my waist, holding tight as he spun me around.

"I love you, Connor. I really, really do." He said when he put me down, resting his forehead against mine.

"I love you too. Just don't ever say anything like that again."

"I won't I promise." We stood there like that for ages, just enjoying the feeling of being close again until an impatient Emma knocked on the door.

"Come on guys, it doesn't take all day to fix an argument." I looked at Troye who just laughed as he called out.

"No, but it takes three weeks."