numb

thirty-eight (part 1)

This happens everytime i close my eyes. i ask god everynight to give me mercy but i guess i have to beg at his feet. i can feel my body twitch and the sweat beaming from my forehead but my eyes never flutter.

*
"dad, i'm sorry." my sixteen year old voice sounding scared and guilty.

"sorry won't bring her back, ain't it?" the dark souled man howled. my eyes jumped around his body trying to read his body language. if he bring his hand back now i will have time to hit him first, i thought.

"you're a sorry disgrace for a son." his dad chuckles bitterly. "should've left you in her dead arms because your just as dead to me."

i could feel the hatred in his voice as he spoke those words. soon the anger built inside of me and i lost it.

"you know what, fuck you dad!" my fist went back and i aimed for his face but he dodged it quick then hit me right on the cheek. not stopping there, he continued to hit me in the stomach until i felt the only meal i ate today start to come up.

after his 6th punch all my breakfast were splattered on the floor. with one final punch to the face, my body crashed into the liquid.

-
"do you want me to handle it?" landon deep voice asked with his hand on my shoulder for comfort.

"boss,-"

"it's a yes or no question cole." he waited for my response but once he realized that i couldn't decide he continued. "he beat you for years, nearly killed you, and you're thinking? if you're worried about where to live, you can live here."

"really?" i ask, actually considering murder.

landon smiles his devilish smile and nodded.

my mind went to yesterday's beat up that ended up with me in a pool full of stinky, orange, thick liquid. the fight started because i came from work late and he wasn't happy with that. which led to--something it always does-- my mother's death.

my life would be better without him, i thought. i might actually be happy, my immature mind thought.

after a couple seconds i made up my mind. "i want him dead."

landon smirked at me and laughed. "of course you do, and you can do the pleasure in watching us do it."
*
my body flew up finally as my nightmare seem to come to an end. my breathing uneasy and shortened. i look around freya's room remembering where i am then at her.

deciding to not interrupt her peace, i gently get up from the bed and put on my sweats and white v-neck.

after putting my stuff on i head out the door. remembering how relieved my sixteen year old mind felt at the thought of being happy once he was gone.

oh, if only you could see yourself now..