Puttin’ my defences up
‘Cause I don’t wanna fall in love
If I ever did that
I think I’d have a heart attack
Never put my love out on the line
Never said "Yes" to the right guy
Never had trouble getting what I want
But when it comes to you, I’m never good enough
When I don’t care
I can play ‘em like a Ken doll
Won’t wash my hair
Then make 'em bounce like a basketball
But you make me wanna act like a girl
Paint my nails and wear high heels
Yes, you make me so nervous
And I just can’t hold your hand
You make me glow, but I cover up
Won’t let it show, so I’m...
Puttin’ my defences up
'Cause I don’t wanna fall in love
If I ever did that
I think I’d have a heart attack **
I woke up because I had to work. But that person whose name I shall not bring up has been in my head all night. I have to move on. Raven waits for no one. No matter how much I say I don't want him and I don't care, I know it's a lie. Truth be told, I love Blue. The fact that he's all bad for me, is what makes my situation worse. I don't know what to do at times, and I'm not the type to talk my problems out because I don't like talking about those dumb things.
I say I don't care all the time, when I do. Come on now. Blue is my first love. At one point in time we did love each other. We have something together that's here to stay. Now it's more of just having love for each other tho. Love is love, but its not always good for you. Especially in my case. If I ever fall in love, I think I'll have a heart attack. I should really tell him about Halo!
Once up fully, I stood up and stretched. I showered, washed my hair, and collected my thoughts. I missed my baby so much. Ugh.
Why is it so hard for me to find that perfect guy. The one who actually cares about me and my feelings. I know I have high standards, but so what. Everyone has them.
After my shower I dried off, creamed my body, then put on a black bra and panties. I got dress in a white lace tank top, some black fitted h&m shorts, white Oxfords.
I put my curly hair in a loose ponytail. I put on no make up besides my egg lip balm. I lit a Dutch, and smoked. I wasn't feeling today, what so ever. I can already tell too.
Mom owns a club, which we can't work at until we're 18. she has a whole mall in Cali. She owns multiple clothing stores, and shoe stores. She RCMP own a grocery store. That is why im always trying to put together the reason we never have food in this house.
Rue, Reeve, and I co own all of mommy's businesses. That's how we get paid. After I graduate ill either go to college to get more education, but I also want to open my own strip club. I think that's what Rue and I will do together.
I drove to the mall because I figured it could do a little shopping while working. My job is to basically check on things. Make sure everything is good when there's need.
I park in my spot which is closet to the entrance.
"Good Morning Raven." Someone who name I don't remember says with a smile.
