Death Doesn't Discriminate •|• Sequel To If You Ever Come Back

5 - Our Dan

Phil's POV

My world is grey. It has went from the most beautiful spiral of colours to an abyss deeper than I could ever imagine.

He is gone. He is gone and I don't even remember him. But I love him. I love him so much it aches my chest. Or maybe that's just the hole he left.

The pain must have been unbearable. It's already burning non-stop, I can barely imagine how bad it was when I still remembered him.

I'm empty. I hadn't noticed before. Perhaps you don't notice something's missing until you find out it used to be there.

I'm writing letters to him. It's ridiculous, I know, but it helps. I can pretend he's still here, I can pretend I love him.

Because I know I don't love him. It's just a feeling that I wish is love, but you can't love a person who is wiped from your memory. It isn't love, it's longing.

Patrick and Pete and even Andy have told me everything. About how he died at my side, about how the last thing he said was that he loved me. About how his beautiful brown eyes would always light up when he saw me.

I have made his world brighter, and he has laid mine in ashes.

They even showed me pictures. Pictures of my Dan standing next to me, his arm wrapped around my waist and him looking proudly at me. I looked younger. They were from before I died.

I don't remember how I died. Another blank piece in my memory. I remember darkness, and a sudden overwhelming cold. I remember fear.

Nobody has told me who took my memories away. Nor have they told me how Dan died. No matter how many times I had begged and pleaded them to tell me, they kept silent or changed the subject. Are those two things dangerous? Are they connected?

They ask me if the puzzle is coming together, piece by piece and row by row. They hope they can make it come back. But I don't know where the fucking pieces go!

I punched a window just then. I can't control my anger these days. I don't know how many windows or walls I've broken in the past couple days.

See, there's another thing I don't know! I don't even know what I don't know! I'm like some fucking explorer inside my own mind, without a map and without any idea of where I'm going or of what I left behind.

I'm starting to doubt whether my friends are really my friends. If they were, they would tell me everything, they wouldn't keep my own memories a secret. I'm starting to think I am alone.

The only thing I remember clearly is a voice. A menacing voice, but he isn't evil. I owe something to him. He said he helped me.

Philip.

God, sometimes I can still hear it.

Are all angels this stupid or is it just you?

Ex- Excuse me?

Fantastic, so it really is just you.

You used to be a lot nicer when you were in my head.

That's because I wasn't in your head. Those were your thoughts.

So you mean you are in my head right now? Like, you actually are talking to me... in my mind?

Correct.

How do you do that?

It takes an immense amount of talent and practise. I could teach you, but...

Teach me! If you think I'm worthy of such power then please...

It takes time. Perhaps your friends will think you have abandoned them... It is a sacrifice you have to make but if you think it is worth it then-