Not an angel.

The question

After cas rescued me from the girls bathroom at the cinema he smuggled me back to his house and I sat on the couch crying, extremely upset that my first date in well... Ever, had to be ruined by some stupid secret agents who wanted to capture me for something I'm still not sure about. Cas stayed by my side all night and well into the next day, I just laid there emotionless and sad. He brought me things when I needed them and I'm pretty sure he helped me get to sleep by cuddling me every night. This little depression thing lasted about 3 days, I mean c'mon now... People ran in horror from me and I have no idea why, it hurts my feelings because no one really knows me all they know is some rumour made up by these guys who wanted to ruin my existence. The morning of the 4th day I sat up from the couch and wrapped myself in a blanket, I hadn't spoke or really eaten anything. The first thing I did was cuddled up to a sleeping cas at 3 in the morning. He woke up quickly and looked at me "are you okay" he asked in a groggy, deep morning voice. I nodded "I'm fine" I said and cuddled into his chest, craving the attention from another human to make me feel like I'm not repulsive. He stroked my hair and cleared his throat a bit. I buried my face into the nook between the couch and his arm because my face was really cold.

"Hey Madison?" He said softly

I nodded

"Would you... Would you like to go on a date" he said nervously and with a stutter. I slowly sat up, I dint know what to say so I said nothing. "I mean it... It wouldn't be that bad I guess.." He added as I got up "I'm... I'm sorry forget everything I said" he said and frowned turning onto his side as i stood over him

"I'm going to your bed to sleep" i said before running up the stairs as quick as possible and locking myself in his room. I stayed in there all the next day only letting in Gabe to give me food and to talk a bit. I didn't tell him what was going through my mind because I didn't even know what was happening in there. Cas had told him everything and kind of did the same as me, he locked himself in the basement and played his guitar all day. I heard him a few times singing and as I laid against the wall I felt sad, because the lyrics were so... Sad! As much as I wanted to talk to cas I couldn't... I just talked to Gabe

"Just tell me what you're thinking" he said once, I shook my head "c'mon, I know you can do it" I shook my head again and just sent him memories of me being confused, or sad... There was and has never been anything happy in my life other then when I first met cas. I showed him that too and he smiled "you... I know you don't know how to react Madison... And I know he's your only friend" I frowned "you don't know me Gabriel" I said glaring with red eyes, crying. It felt like someone was pulling all my Emotions at once because to be honest I didn't know how to explain how much cas meant to me, I didn't know how to say how much I actually loved that boy. So I said nothing and got angry. "Calm down madison..." Gabe said backing away slowly, I glared "GET OUT" I screamed and flew myself backwards hitting the wall and breaking it a bit. I started crying as gabe scrambled to his feet and fled the room. He went all the way downstairs and in an angry rage he yelled at cas.

Me and cas secluded ourselves in a permanent state of loneliness for 3 days, without talking to each other, without doing anything really. On the 4th day gabe got mad, more angry then I've ever seen him. He broke down the door to cas' room and screamed at me then went and screamed at cas. I shut the door quickly and slide down the back of it as I heard the front door slam. Gabe left the house and me and cas alone in it. I heard foot steps getting closer and closer. Then some pressure on the door as cas slide down it and sat at the base "I know... Actually I don't... But here... I wrote this for you" he said sounding like he was crying. "I mean here goes nothing... I don't even know if you're still here but I hope you get the message" he said stifling a sob then started to strum lightly.

"Say something, I'm giving up on you.

I'll be the one, if you want me to.

Anywhere, I would've followed you.

Say something, I'm giving up on you.

And I am feeling so small.

It was over my head

I know nothing at all.

And I will stumble and fall.

I'm still learning to love

Just starting to crawl.

Say something, I'm giving up on you.

I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.

Anywhere, I would've followed you.

Say something, I'm giving up on you.

And I will swallow my pride.

You're the one that I love

And I'm saying goodbye.

Say something, I'm giving up on you.

And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.

And anywhere, I would have followed you.

Oh-oh-oh-oh say something, I'm giving up on you.

Say something, I'm giving up on you.

Say something..." He ended and sat for a bit in the silence. I sniffled and he got up

"So yeah, say something" he added, putting his forehead lightly against the door. I opened it slowly and looked up at him crying my eyes out, his were red from crying "I don't know what to say" I said "that's my problem! I don't know what to say" I said and sobbed hard as he stood there silent.

"There aren't any words in the god forsaken world to express how much I car for you cas, you're the first person in my life to show me any kindness and you have no idea how much I love you. But even that is an understatement! I can't explain how much your stupid face makes me smile when I'm sad or your stupid personality and kindness makes me feel just in general. I'm a mess, I'm tragic. It's hard enough to think that I'm still alive and you want me to try and comprehend that someone actually cares about me? That they actually love me... So here's me saying something... Even though I don't know what the hell it is! I'm saying something" I said angrily throwing my arms around his neck and kissing him passionately. He was shocked at first but I didn't let up, he kissed back and we stood in his doorway for a few minutes looking at each other.

"Please... Pease be mine" he said and I shook my head

"I can't..." I said and closed the door, he didn't know how much I was actually protecting him. I didn't want him to get caught by those stupid men let alone get hurt... So I said no, even though it hurt.