A Walk On The Beach

Chapter 9

Girl

I JUST FOUND out that there’s going to be a formal ball. It’s one of those rich party things. Yeah, I’m a rich girl now. I have a rich family. Denny and Astrid’s parents are hosting it. It’s a charity ball. Now it doesn’t sound so bad. It’s going to be in one of Shanghai’s best venues. But there’s going to be socialising and dancing and ball gowns. Diana’s been boasting about hers. She said it’s going to be the only dress people will see. Then she asked me. Does mine have huge diamonds around the hem? Uh, no. I really don’t want to blind people and I'd rather not be choked to death, thank you very much!

I’m not the only one who’s kind of annoyed at Diana.

“God’s she’s such an effing bitch!” That’s Cameron. Yes, Cameron, Diana’s sister. “All she knows is to flick her hair and be the centre of attention! Gosh, seriously?”

I laugh. We’re outside Denny and Astrid’s house. Everyone’s already in there. Cameron had held me back to tell me the news. Diana had stopped to sneer.

She looks at me. “You know you don’t have to hold back, right? You can just say it. All those mean things that are facts. We know Diana is a bitch.”

I shrug. “I just don’t think I’m one to judge.”

She chuckles like I’m kind of naive. It makes me blush. “How do you do it? How can you just brush it away and forget the ways she’d treated you? How can you be so carefree?”

I shrug. “I have my ways.”

“I’ll find out one day.” She smiles. “C’mon then...Ally. They’re waiting.”

I freeze. She just hesitated saying my name. What does that mean? Does she think I’m weird and that she’s trying to change me?

I ask her, “Why did you hesitate saying my name?”

“Well,” she says. She licks her lips. “It’s just, I need to get used to it, y’know. It’s new.”

I frown.

“It’s true. You’re nice, Ally,” she says. “And I like you, I really do. You’re a great cousin but you’re different.”

“Are you trying to change me?” I ask, stepping back.

“NO! No,” she says. “No, of course not. It’s just I have to get used to change. Like, Diana. She’s a bitch because she doesn’t like change, see.”

“See.”

She nods. “Well, come on. They’re going to be so mad.”

The view from my hotel room is b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l. It’s not as stunning as the Island beach view. Okay, it’s pretty plain. But I want to be positive. I’m sitting on the window seat. There is traffic below. I’m so high up – the twelfth floor.

I tell Mum I’m going to go exploring the city. She tells me it’s dangerous. It’s not like the Island. There are cars and there are other dangerous things. But I want to explore. It gives me time to think. Though, I don’t want to be run over by a car or get raped. Now that would be one horrid holiday.

Mum wants to go shopping. She asks me if I want to buy a ball gown for the ball. I tell her there’s still three weeks. She goes on her own.

I go for a ride on my scooter. I haven’t been stopped by a police officer – yet. I’m pretty determined on not being stopped by a policeman. I ride until I see the woods. I wander and I see a stream. I follow it until I see a small waterfall. It is so beautiful. But I’m lost. All around are trees. I’ll find my way out later. I want to stay here forever.

I sit in a meditating position. The woods are silent apart from the gentle water rushing down the stream. It’s very calming. I use this time to ‘free’ myself. I think of all those black words. I think of all those things I want to say to people’s faces. I think of how angry I am and how pissed I am when I see people like Diana and Stephanie. I hate people who want to change me, even though I’m always trying to change myself (only into a better person). I think of them, everything. I visualise a box. I jam everything in. I padlock it shut.

I think I’m safe.

But I’m not. It didn’t work. I coil up on the ground and I start to cry. I’m so tired and I’m so lost. I don’t know what to do. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. I get scared. Why is everything so hard now? Last year it was still simple. But now everything’s changing. Maybe I am like Diana. I don’t like changes. I’m dreading that day when people stop caring, stop playing along. I’m dreading that day when I’m the only one who’s still pretending.