Rule Four || Dream

⏮Red String: 4⏮

{Erie}

Shizuka was dating my cousin...All these times I've seen them together, I couldn't get a very good look at him, and I was too sad to pay attention to the details. I felt like I was being betrayed on both sides. I felt like I was betrayed by Shizuka, because she was dating a family member of mine. And by Hiroshi, because he was dating my ex that I was still in love with.

"Sh-she's...your sister?" Shizuka choked out, looking at me in horror.

"Not really," Hiroshi said. "We're cousins, but we're really close since we were kids."

Hiroshi was younger than Shizuka than about two years, and older than me about five. So, was she dating him because she wasn't over me?

My eyes focused on the ground. Would she be mean to me in front of my cousin? Probably not, but I still didn't want to look her in the eye.

"You know Erie, right? She's apart of AS Girls, under your company!"

"Yeah. I manage her."

Hiroshi looked down at me, surprised. "My girlfriend is your manager?"

I nodded, not wanting to open my mouth. I was afraid of I did, I would stumble on my words.

"That's so cool! Erie, want to eat with us?"

Me? Eat with Shizuka and Hiroshi? The couple? I don't think I could do that. All I would be able to do is stare at the food I couldn't eat, and wait for Shizuka's criticism. And all I can think about is 'My girlfriend is your manager?'

"No, you're a couple," I said, looking up between the two. "You would want alone time--"

"Nonsense! Come, come! I would love to hear stories between you two--"

"No no no! I'm sorry, Onii-san, but I don't really think--

"Please?" He asked. "All these years of not seeing each other...I want to catch up with you."

Shizuka stood up. "Then I should leave--"

"No! I want my Erie-san to approve of you! Even though I'm sure she does already. You're her manager! I'm sure she loves you."

Shizuka hesitated, looking at me. My heart began beating fast, and I looked away. She doesn't love you, Erie. She loves your cousin.

My manager sat back down, and Hiroshi beamed. "I'm so happy I can have lunch with you two! I'll order something for my little cousin, and Erie you can sit beside Shizuka."

Sit beside Shizuka, he said. Sit. Beside. Shizuka. Shizuka. This Shizuka right here. This Shizuka who would glare at me, give me cold looks, and not even smile at me. The same Shizuka who used to love me a long time ago, who I would kiss just to make her blush and get her all worked up, who I legit wanted to marry. And now I have to sit beside her, experience our arms brushing against each other occasionally, and have my heart beat 100 times a minute from how close we are.

Hiroshi walked away, and I stared at the empty spot in the booth beside Shizuka. I was supposed to sit there. Beside Shizuka.

I yawned in my hand, since I barely get sleep at night. Bad dreams of Shizuka haunt me. Of her getting hurt, or of her leaving me, or of her finding someone else and being happier. And I can't concentrate much anymore. No wonder she yells at me. If only she knew.

Shizuka looked at me, slightly concerned. No, she couldn't be concerned. She couldn't be worried about me. She hates me.

"You should sleep more at night," she tonelessly said, sipping on her drink.

Oh, geez. Thanks for pointing that out. Who would have guessed I wasn't sleeping well? Why doesn't she try and have bad dreams about the person she loves, and get sleep as well?

I didn't reply, and just cautiously slid into the seat. Making sure no part of me touched Shizuka, I sat and waited for Hiroshi to come back and relieve me from this pressure.

I sort of wanted to ask her why she doesn't like me anymore. Why she make me redo things, even though I thought I did everything right. But when I opened my mouth, nothing came out. She would probably lash out on me, say things to make me feel hurt.

When we were together, she told me she loved me and would never hurt me. She lied to me.

"Did you not hear me?" She asked.

"I did," I quietly replied.

"And you didn't answer me."

"I'm sorry. I will."

I can only sleep when you're beside me, Shizuka. Why do you hate me so?

  ⏮ 

At the cafe, I ended up leaving because I couldn't take it anymore. Being beside Shizuka made old feelings pop up. I want to hug her, and kiss her, and go back to her house and sleep with her to make all the bad dreams go away. I wanted us to be like we used to be. And hearing her talk so calmly reminded me of that time, and I excused myself and left the place.

"Her boyfriend is my cousin," I told Yurino lowly as we got dressed for the concert. 

Everybody else was absorbed in their own conversation, so I wasn't worried about being overheard. But I still wanted to take extra precautions.

"He is?" Yurino asked.

"Yeah. We had lunch at the cafe not to far from here."

"Whoa...she really isn't over you, Erie-chan. I was right!"

Yurino grinned as she continued getting dressed, and I just thought about Shizuka and Hiroshi. Were they happy together? Did I want them to be happy together? What if they fall in love, get married, have children, and live the rest of their life together? I don't think I could stand it.

I yawned for the tenth time we've been changing, and Yurino noticed.

"Are you sure you're okay? You look very tired, Erie."

"Of course! I'm fine, Yurino-chan."

Being a little sleepy isn't going to keep me from performing. Neither is a hungry stomach. Or the situation with Hiroshi and Shizuka.

After we got our hair and make-up done, we crowded around Shizuka for a pep talk. I stood the farthest away from her, not wanting to make awkward eye-contact. And after that, was the beginning of the concert.

Every time we perform, I felt free. Like this was partially my stage, and I could do whatever I want. I smiled at the crowd and sung and dance to my heart's content. Everything from earlier today was forgotten about, as I embraced the feedback from our fans. This is what I live for. This is what I was born to do.

Half-way through the show, I felt myself get slightly disoriented. But I kept on dancing, thinking maybe because it was just hot. Then my stomach growled loudly. I ignored that too. I'll just eat after the show. Then my vision got fuzzy as I began to sing my line, and then I felt myself falling as my vision turned completely black. Screams of horror and fright filled my ears, and they slowly got quieter and quieter as I lost all consciousness...

I'm a horrible person, aren't I?