Shattered

Chapter 2

"There has to be some kind of mistake. This can't be happening. I'm healthy." Kate said, shocked and in denial.
"I'm sorry but it's true, Mrs Castle. You have cancer. It shows up on your test results clear as day." Doctor Anderson said.
Those words hit her like a pile of bricks. Kate started to cry and buried her face in Rick's chest.
"What can we do to fix this? Chemotherapy? Radiation? An operation?" Rick asked.
"I'm sorry but there isn't much we can do. She has a stage 4 brain tumor and it's inoperable. We can't operate and take it out because the surgery could kill her."
"So are you saying that I'm probably going to die?" Kate asked, as her tears kept falling and staining her face.
"I'm so sorry but yes you will."
This broke both of their hearts.
"How long do I have?" Kate asked.
"It's hard to say. Some patients live a few months and some live longer. But based on where the tumor is in your brain, the size of it, and the speed it's growing, my guess would be 5-6 months."
Rick rubbed Kate's shoulder and kissed the top of her hair.
"We can do radiation and chemotherapy to help shrink the size of it and potentially slow down it's process but given how aggressive this tumor is, it will come back."
Kate's heart kept sinking. Rick knew he needed to be strong for her but he couldn't help but cry.
"I'm so sorry, Mrs Castle. We will do everything we can to minimize your suffering and pain these next few months. Are there any other questions you have?" Kate shook her head 'no.' "Okay well if you think of any, my office is on the second floor." He said and left the room.

Kate was shaking and Rick held her close to his chest.
"I need some time alone." She pulled away from him.
"Kate! Please don't shut me out." Rick said.
"I'm not. I promise. I'll come back soon. I just need some time to process this." She ran out of the room and into the bathroom.
'Cancer.' She thought and splashed water on her face. 'I'm going to die.' She rubbed her eyes. 'This can't be happening. I can't be dying. I need to be there for my kids. This is going to break their hearts. Their mother isn't going to be there for them.' The tears kept falling despite how many tissues she had and kept rubbing on her face. She fell to her knees. She sat there on the floor, crying for a while, not knowing what to do. Her kids meant everything to her. She couldn't just leave them. And Rick. After everything they had been through, she couldn't imagine being without him. And what about Jim. He was going to have the pain of his daughter's death. She couldn't believe that she was going to leave all of them behind. A life without their mother. A life without his wife. A life without his daughter. A life without Kate Beckett-Castle. She couldn't take these thoughts anymore. She needed to get back to Rick. She needed him to hold her tight and tell her everything was going to be okay even though they both knew it wasn't going to be.

She left the bathroom and ran into Rick's arms and held onto him tight.
"I'm so sorry." She said.
"There's nothing to be sorry about. We're going to get through this. We just have to keep the faith and stay positive."
Tears were falling down her cheeks.
"I didn't tell you. I've been experiencing more than just headaches and dizziness. I've been feeling nauseous and have had blurred vision. I just didn't tell you because I didn't want you to worry. I knew something was wrong with me. I just didn't think it was this."
"Kate, you know you can tell me anything. I'm always here for you." He said and gave her a hug.
"I'm not going to see any of our kids graduate high school. I'm not going to see any of our kids go to college. I'm not going to see them get married. I'm not going to be a grandma. I'm not going to be able to watch their kids grow up. We aren't going to grow old together and make fun of each other's wrinkles. I'm not going to see what books you'll publish next. I'm not going to be able to help Ryan and Esposito catch killers. And what about Lanie? She's going to lose her best friend. She's been there for me through it all and now I'm not going to be there for her. And my dad is going to lose his only daughter. He's already lost his wife and now he's going to be all alone.  The only thing I can do is say goodbye to everyone I love and care about in my life. How am I supposed to do that?"
At this point they both couldn't stop crying.
"I'm going to help you through this." He continued to hold her tight.