~Ours~

Poisoned Piece: Chapter 4

I didn’t notice that I was sleeping on Jen’s bed. Her hand on my arm. I studied her beautiful face. It made my day complete by just looking at it. Her presence gave me a reason to live me several days to live or more than that. It gives me ...a reason to breath and a reason to kiss her even if it’s risky, but kissing her made me feel the real love. But it’s hard to control such emotion, to kiss her and to grab her wait. But I did do it. I could control myself, knowing I have these limitations given by Mr. Jones. I touch her face and I can still feel goose bumps, and even a touch of her skin means a lot to me, it means a lot to a dying person who keep a secret to his lover.

She is my life, my treatment and my cure. But I can’t deny the fact that I’m dying, a death that will destroy my relationship to her. She moves, I can tell she is dreaming happy things and scenes. As for me, I have this nightmares haunted me and it keeps on repeating.

The scene with Mr. Jonathan and my drunken dad always repeats.

“Please forgive me if I disturbed you,” I hastily apologized when she wake up.

I did disturb her, but I can’t stop touching her face. She just smiles and it means morning greeting for the two of us.

“No, it’s alright,” she said and then she smiled, “and I dreamed about you. But I better spend time with you in reality than to dream with you without knowing it may be the end of my beautiful dream. In reality, I will not lose you.”

I smile... and rub her slender arm. Then, her phone rings. She took it hurriedly. I stood and went out her room to have her privacy. I walk downstairs and Carlo was there, walking in circles. I notice Mr. Jones is not around, so I approach Carlo thinking that maybe he had some appointments with someone or maybe he wanted something from Jennifer.

“Hey,” I said to him with my smile.

He just shot a look at me, his lips twitches in disgust.

“Where’s Andrew?!”

“I didn’t notice him, Carlo. Maybe he went out to buy something. You can leave your message I’m willing to pass your message to Mr. Jones.” I said calmly over Carlo’s angry voice.

“Tell him to leave my mom and leave us alone. I’m not into with their fucking wedding plan.”

I did not respond. I don’t know how to answer such heavy and violent words he gave. Then he goes out, and then Jennifer touched my shoulder asking what happened. I shrugged as if I didn’t know.

If I’ll tell her, surely it will hurt her feelings. And, I don’t want to destroy her expectations for the wedding next week. I can tell that Carlo is the opposite of Joshua. He is rude.

But why? Is he going to stop the marriage? Does Ms. Alice know about this and what Carlo felt for Mr. Jones?

I sit on the couch, staring blankly on the TV screen as I wait for Mr. Jones.

After telling Mr. Jones everything Carlo wanted to tell him, not including the F word, he just nodded and told me he’ll try to make the things right before it turns to bad terms. He was planning to go to Ms. Alice’s house together with me. Their house is a bit far, on Chew Street. Still, I didn’t refuse. I’ll try to help what I can do.

-----♪-----

My hair stood like I was on a large refrigerator. Mr. Jonathan led me to a room, and there I saw my father. Just him. He was leaning at the edge of the bed, I could smell alcohol from him and he was clutching an empty bottle of beer with a cigarette on his other hand. I smelled another thing too, I like burnt grass and it is strong that made me cover my nose. Still I kept calm even though I felt someone that is not right. Everything is not right.

“Where are we?” I asked him in a low voice. He did not answer, and I started to feel eerie. Dad shouldn't be here or I.

-----♪-----

I wore my old black coat, feeling tired and seems my legs froze and trapped on a cement. I touch my forehead, it's burning. Another fever, another sign that remembers me that I'm dying. Jennifer went to De Sales to check some important things in her scholarship. It is the right time for us, Mr. Jones, to visit Ms. Alice and clear things up knowing few days from now it is their big day.

I inserted my hands on my pockets and ready to go.

I opened the umbrella before we can step out from their front porch. It is raining. Storm keeps destroying the beauty of summer. Mr. Jones called a taxi and we hop in. I didn't know what to say or going to say to him. We just sit silently, bringing worry in our minds. What if Ms. Alice changed he mind and refuse to marry Mr. Jones? What if Mr. Jones will going to cancel the wedding if the things won't work out? What if...

The taxi stops in front of a small typical house. I go out and open the umbrella again. Before I knew it, I am sitting on a stool staring the old carving hanging on the walls, mostly Indian inspired things. Ms. Alice is not around, only Joshua and Carlo is there having their own way to enjoy. Joshua greets me hurriedly like we haven't met for many years. Carlo goes to his room and a loud booming sound trembles the house. I take off my coat and place it on their couch.

Joshua leads me to his room and introduces me his collection of action figures: Star Wars, NBA Superstars and other cartoon characters I didn't know. I saw a magazine peeping beneath the pillow and I attempt to take it, but Joshua hastily grab it from me.

“Oh! Okay. I'm sorry,” I said knowing what it was.

“Sorry,” I said again to him, looking at his blushed face.

“Don't tell my mom about this okay?”

“Promise. You can count on me.”

“Thanks.”

Then, he continue to introduce his collection over the loud sound from Carlo's room.

“I hate my brother,” he suddenly said, “he always make things worse for us mom. It seemed he's bringing pain in our family.”

“Is he the one made your parents---”

He nodded.

“But why?”

“I don't know, maybe he doesn't want mom to have a couple and to be happy. He's a freak. Did he tell you something that I didn't know?”

“Yes,” I whispered holding Yoda, “he warn Mr. Jones. He didn't agree with the wedding.”

“He's stupid. I won't allow him to destroy mom's happiness and I want to be the step-sister of Jen. She loves Andrew.”

“So as Mr. Jones,” I said, trying to think some topic to forget his worry about the sudden bad news.

“We look alike when I got this hair, Josh.” I said.

“Yeah, I really like it. Twins dude! I really like you to be my brother than to have Carlo.”

“Don't say that,” I snapped then there was a knock on the door, Mr. Jones.

“Take care dude,” he said still holding the magazine.

“Keep it hidden,” I replied eyeing at the magazine. He smiled. I took my coat without wearing it. Mr. Jones calls another taxi.

We have so many needs in our life, but our only need the most is to be needed by someone we really need.

I learned the difference between need and want, and I just don't want Jen, I need her in my life and maybe that's the reason why I forgave her easily after the pang of jealousy holed my heart. I don't need to be jealous anymore, I amwith her and she's with me and we had mutual feelings to each other. Someone said that it is not time nor knowledge canchange a man's mind, it is love who can change it. A love that makes the whole world round. Whats with knowledge when you can't express what you gained and be a tool for change? Whats with time when there's limitation placed by God? Why everything has its ending? Why a never-ending-life?

I may not offer her many promises knowing that death will take me soon, I can only promise her my love and my time. And she might be my first and last lover.