~Ours~

Music of Fools: Chapter 4

Wild and free.

I can say both of us are wild and free. We are creating our own destiny like writing a story on a scrap paper; choosing best words and great scenes and an ending that satisfies the reader.

There came a silence. Screeching of the car’s tires, people chatters, and footsteps are all we can hear. We’re like homeless, looking for a place in this stupid world of challenges and pains, desperation and uncertainties.

We’re in heaven. As long as we’re together.

And love is all that I needed.

Of all those guys I encountered and torn, here I found something that is right, something that turns my world into the right direction. Achilles made me fell that that love, that hope; saying I’ll be a better person than a bitch.

“Got any idea how late it is?” Kelly said, looking at me in his beautiful eyes.

“Er. I don’t know. I got freedom.” I said, “dad won’t look after me. He has his own business to do. I’m now eighteen. I can live by my own…a bit. Where’d you sleep?”

No answer.

“Okay,” I whispered.

“You should find a shelter,” I added thinking it was easy to find one, “I can’t afford to see you sleeping in this place, knowing that we’re now friends.”

Yes, of course, we are still friends.

He smiled.

“Your smile means something.”

“Don’t be concerned.”

“I’m concerned, okay.”

“Why?”

Why? Why I’m saying this to him? Who am I to tell these things?

“I don’t know,” I said, “maybe, because I started to love you.”

Boooom! What I have done?

Kelly chuckles.

“I don’t understand you,” I said, referring to his smiles.

“You mustn’t love me,” he said in his serious yet calm voice, “I’m just a typical guy. A street singer. Nearly nothing, can’t offer great things nor things that will satisfy you. I’m not born to love.”

Nearly nothing? You’re something to me.

“We are born to be loved,” I said, remembering the movie I saw, “And you are loved, your mother loves you and I start loving you. It’s because of who you are. You differ from the guys I met. You had this distinction and you understand me. You understand my music, and you listen to my dreams. No one can do that except you, Kelly.”

“That’s all I can do, to listen. Loving you back is hard. It will change my life and your life too. And I don’t like it. I can’t imagine myself loving somebody…”

“You just met earlier,” I finished his words.

“I can understand that,” I added, “But, I can’t lie to you. My feelings showed.”

Silence.

We stared at each other. I decided to move my head to kiss him. My heart started to beat faster, like a mason nailing the wall.

Kiss me…

“No,” he said as his head jerked backwards.

I blinked twice. What?

“Achilles.”

“No.”

“Then, I must go,” I whispered in pain, “goodbye.”

I stood and started to walk away from him. I feel that someone punched my head. My gait was slow and unbalanced. Is this the feeling of being torn apart? Is this their feelings when I broke their hearts?

Then, I started to imagine--- like those movies--- he pulled my arm and caught me leaning to his chest. He said he needed me. Body to body. I could smell his breath. Achilles starts to put his lips on mine. (But it is impossible to happen.)

I cried as I ran towards home.

Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have

the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it

shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just

one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

I woke up late, eleven in the morning. I smelled charred bacon and egg downstairs. My head still aches since last night. An aftershock. Yes, last night, that stupid evening with a man whom I started to hate just this morning. I hate him now, and I’ll never talk to him again.

For the record, it was my first time to be refused by a guy. Ugh. I hate him. Annie, I’ll call her today to break the pact. I’ll quit. I will surrender Poison and Thorns, and find another way to get some money for the ticket.Dad didn’t give me yet his allowance for this week and I emptied my pocket just to help the street singer. Jeez! It seemed my summer will turn into hell.I tried to raise my body out from this unwashed bed sheet, but it won’t.

Heeeeellllpppppp!

I’m paralyzed. My bones froze.

Breathe…

In…Out…

In…

In… I mean out.

My phone rings above the small cabinet. I hop out of my bed. Ha. Nothing happens to my body. Thanks to the caller, Samantha.

“Hey Sam,” I said with a lifeless tune.

“Status?”

“What status?”

“I mean your date, how was it? Something happened?”I rolled my eyes.

Well disastrous actually. Like I’m on the box locked by thousand padlocks and someone shook it.

“Nothing happens.”

“What? No holding hands? No kiss? Oh my gah, Jen. Is he gay?”

“No, he’s not. Are you expecting something on the first date? Well, he doesn’t like loving someone.”

“Oh he’s freak. Freakazoid-asteroid,” Sam said, “but how about the pact? Does it mean you’ll surrender? Poison and Thorns, Jen! Wake up. Richard-hot-guy-with-a-tattoo. You must not miss the concert. A chance for a lifetime, one in a million. Annie will offer us tickets. We can smell him and touched his hand. I know you’ll wrap it with plastic and smell it everyday.”

Sam is still a talkative grasshopper.

“I’ll try to make things better. I still have thirteen days from now.”

“Sure, sure. Good luck. Well, guess what I’m doing now?”

“Picking you nose?”“I’m curling my hair! Landon and I will have a date this evening.”

Oh the dumb athlete.

“I gotta go,” Sam snapped, and laughed.

Conversation’s over.