Fallen

Broken

One step after another. Another yet again. She shouldn't stop. Because she shouldn't, because she couldn't, that was the norm.

He never left her mind. But he faded. His face faded, his laughter faded. But then they came back. They always did. Those memories would haunt her forever. She had to stop, but she had no idea how.

How to stop the sudden bursts of him that flashed across her mind, forcing her to scrunch up her brows muttering a string of curses, forced to shut her eyes to put him out. The frown still existed. The frown never left her face. And once in a while she indulged in her own guilty pleasure.

Opening an incognito tab, she'd type his name in the search bar. There's still so much about him that she didn't know. And she wanted to. Because even if he's not hers, just the knowledge that he's alive and well would suffice. Half of her was still unsure, what if he was a dream?

But his account was inactive, he rarely logged on. 'I guess he must be busy talking with her all the time' she assumed. 'Or what if he's sick? Like actually really sick and he pushed me away because he didn't want to hurt me?'. Her mind forever tried to find reasons for his sudden change of attitude.
Ignoring the blatantly obvious reason ....that for him it was a game, just another helpful deed. There was nothing there. Absolutely nothing, he said what he said, did what he did...but there was no sincerity there. He probably didn't think it would affect her so much.

And now he blocked her number. Ever since the first time she found out her number had been blocked, she'd never called again. She just didn't understand why. She never forced her feelings on him, she just wanted answers...answers he refused to give, because he didn't have any.

He left her wanting, he left her broken. He was her reality check. Her naive heart would never again trust so easily, never again believe anybody without second guessing herself. She'd keep them all out and away from her heart.

The way she was now, insecure, doubtful, skeptic, broken. She could never be attractive to anyone. For once she was glad that nobody could love the person that she is. For once, she was glad that she was unlovable. She was through with that bullshit.

There's no new dawn or anything, no romanticised ideas of love and life. She had to live. So she would. Even if it came at the cost of hurting any, and everyone around her, she wouldn't bend.

This was her life, it had fucked with her a bit too much. It was time she stopped mopping around. Time to stop being a naive brat.

Broken or not, she was no masterpiece. She was the epitome of normality, the disgusting normality. And she was fine.

A smile may not appear on her lips again, but she'll laugh aloud no matter what.

He didn't exist, that was the only way to live.

Things to do.
1. Stop making up excuses for him.
2. Stop searching for his car everywhere.
3. Stop hoping to meet him by accident.
4. Stop dreaming up happy endings with him.

The frowning girl walked away from the mirror.