Finding You

Finding You: Chapter Two

~flash back~

'Of course it had to be this way. That's how it's always had to be. The one time I finally get to live the life I want to live it gets ripped out of my hands. What am I supposed to do without you? How am I supposed to raise her? Damn it, where are -"

The door creaked open, interrupting my thoughts. I buried my head deeper into my pillow, if that was even possible.

"Dean? Dean are you in here?" A voice asked. Sam's voice.

"I'm right here, Sammy." I whisper, my voice hoarse from lack of use. I hear Sam's long stride as he makes his way over to my side of the bed.

"What's up?" He asks casually.

"This dark room. You?"

"Nothing really." He crouched there silently, as if contemplating a question, before finally saying something. "Do you need anything, Dean? You know I'm here to help."

"Actually, there is something I need you to do for me, Sammy." I said after a minute of silence.

"Anything, Dean."

"Take Nova. Just for a little while, until I pull myself together. I don't want her to see me like this, and frankly I-," his voice cracked, much to his dismay. "I'm ashamed to admit I'm a little too broken right now to take care of her without-"

"Say no more, Dean. I'll do it." He paused. "When was the last time you ate something?"

I stilled when I realized I actually had no idea. How long had it been? Days? Weeks? Hours? These things didn't seem to mean anything until this moment, when my stomach growled.

"I... actually don't know. I've been feeding Nova, I'm not so sure about myself." I let out a soft chuckle. How typical of me.

"Let's go make you both some grilled cheese or something." Sam suggested, resting the flat of his hand on my arm, just below my shoulder. I nodded and picked myself up off the bed.

"I'll join you in a minute," I say as I shuffle tiredly to my bathroom, rubbing my eyes. Sam mumbles an 'okay' before leaving the room.

When I reach the bathroom mirror, I don't recognize the person staring back at me. This person's hair is a mess, he has dark circles under his eyes, he likely smells from the lack of showering and he has some serious scruff going on from not shaving in so long. His eyes portrayed so much hurt and sadness I honestly wished that the person I was staring at wasn't me. But he was. I decided I wasn't going to show Nova this side of me. She didn't need to see her remaining parent broken.

I start by taking a shower to fix up my hair and put some life back into my face. Once I'm out I shave off the scruff and then go get dressed. By the time I'm back in the bathroom to brush my teeth, I see a far less scary person staring back at me, but the look in his eyes couldn't have been washed away by anything. I spit, then walked out of my room and down the hallway into the kitchen.

I hear the sound of thundering feet the moment I walk in. I turn to the right to see my little girl running up to me, arms already reaching out for me. "Daddy!" She calls.

I squat down and pick her up, spinning her around before placing her on my hip. "Hey, baby girl! How's daddy's little supernova doing?" I ask lightly before planting a kiss on her cheek. She giggled, delighted.

"I'm good, daddy! What about you?" She asked, fisting a small, chubby hand in my shirt as we walked to where Sam was piling up the sandwiches on a plate.

"I'm hungry. What shall I eat?" I pretended to ponder for a second before tickling her. "Shall I eat you?"

Loud screams and giggles filled the room as Nova squirmed in my arms. "No, Daddy! You eat the grilled cheese!" She said between giggles. I stopped tickling her to let her breathe.