Let Me Love You (Lauren Jauregui/You)

Chapter 1

Okay. I am actually doing this. With one click of a button, my life will be completely different. This one tweet could either end or begin my life. I'm nervous. Very nervous. It's not like I've never done something like this before. When I came out as bisexual all I did was send out a tweet that simply read 'I am bisexual' and the whole world acted as though I had just declared war on fucking North Korea. The world overreacts. About everything. Whether it be about what colour a dress is or whether or not 'that phone call' happened, the world overreacts. The media make it even worse by twisting peoples words into something they're not. But there's nothing I can do about that, other than try to ignore it.

I've been putting this off too long now. I just need to do it and get it over with. Just press the button. Press the button and let what happens happen. People will hate and people will love, but after all that, all that matters is that you are doing this for you, not for them, for you. And for her.

*click*

Oh. My. God.

I actually did it. What have I done?

Within minutes my twitter was going insane. Bombarded with questions. People saying things like 'ily' and 'pls follow me'. People who had clearly not actually read what I put and just wanted me to notice them.

I can't deal with all this. I just need to let it happen. I don't need to watch it. I closed down the twitter app and went to go make myself a coffee. It was 4:56am. I had started writing that tweet at 11pm. It had taken me all night to build myself up. To be brave enough to say what I did. So there wasn't much point in going back to sleep. Luckily I didn't have to work today, meaning I could stay inside all day and avoid seeing anyone who might ask me about it.

I suppose you're probably wondering what I said. Why one simple tweet could possibly make the world go this crazy. Well, it wan't quite as simple as just a tweet. It was a tweet, with an essay attached to it. An essay that read this:

'So...I guess I should start from the beginning. 2 years ago, at the end of 2014, I met a group of girls, they are all amazingly talented and beautiful women who inspire and amaze me every single day. These girls soon became close friends of mine and have all helped me through so many things there is no way I could ever possibly repay them. In meeting and befriending this group of girls, I met and befriended one very important woman. The minute I laid eyes on her I knew there was something different about the way I saw her, it wasn't necessarily that she was any more beautiful than the others, though in my eyes she always will be, but it was something in the way she made me feel, in my heart and my soul (which sounds so cheesy I know but it's the only way I can describe it). At the time I couldn't really put a finger on why it felt different, so I buried it, I pretended it wasn't there, I acted like it felt the same with her as it did when I was with anyone else, but it didn't and I was too afraid to admit to myself what I was feeling.

Moving on to approximately 13 months after I met this girl, I met someone else, her name is Ruby, Ruby Rose if you really must know exactly who it is. When I met Ruby we talked, a lot, about so many things, and she told me about how when she accepted who she was and 'made the change', as she put, she was finally comfortable in herself. And I remember sitting and hearing her say these things and being so so jealous of her. Then I thought to myself, 'I don't need to be jealous, there's nothing stopping me from doing this, I can be myself, I can embrace who I am too'. So I did. I came out. I am Bisexual/gay/whatever you want to be. That's all. That's all I said. In one simple tweet. My life changed. I was me. I didn't care what people thought. I felt free. I felt me.

This now brings me back to the whole reason I'm writing this to you all. To you.

After I came out, I could finally accept the feelings I had for this girl I had met 13 months previous, I finally figured out why I felt different with her. I loved her. Love her. Loved suggests past. I still love her. I will always love her. I am in love with her.

I, y/full/n, am in love with you, and I will not sit back anymore. I will not let you go simply because you are too afraid to admit you are in love with me too. Because I know you are. And so do you.

I feel like I sound as if I am begging. I probably am. But if that is what it takes, then I am begging you.

I am undeniably, irreversibly in love with you. And there is nothing you can do about it. But embrace the feeling.

Embrace yourself and love who you want. Do not let other people tell you who you can and cannot love. Love who your heart tells you to. And embrace that love. Live that love. Live you.

Break the rules.

Don't tell yourself you don't love me because they said you can't. Don't tell yourself you don't love me because you've been told you love that person instead. That person you don't even know. That person who doesn't know you.

I know you. I know you are strong. I know you say what you want. That's why when you came out, against their wishes, I was not surprised. But I was surprised when you said you didn't love me. Because it sure felt like you loved me. It feels like you love me. But I guess you thought breaking all the rules was too much. Or at least that's what I'm hoping. I hope you still love me, otherwise this is gonna be really awkward. Because you are definitely not the only one reading this. The whole world can read this. And I am just now realising what I am doing.

I am confessing my love in front of the entire world. Out for everyone to see. To judge. To laugh. To love. To hate.

And even if this doesn't work out, (but  sure as hell hope it does), I hope in doing this, in front of the whole world, I have inspired others. Because that's really all I want to do. I want to love you and inspire others. Love and inspire. If I can die knowing I did those 2 thins I will die happy.

I don't know why I'm suddenly talking about death. Death is a very depressing subject. A true, but depressing subject.

Anyway, I've gone on too long. If you're still reading this, I congratulate you, thank you for bearing through my babble. When I could have just simply said the words 'I love you'. But I feel that those 3 simple words, while they mean so much, do not say enough, I needed to say more, so I did.

Thank you for reading. Know that someone out there appreciates you, I know I do.'

I told you it was an essay. A long ass essay that I don't even know she'll read. Or even see. Notice how I never said her name. I didn't tag her in it. I don't need the entire world knowing who it is I was talking to. Plus if it doesn't work out the world doesn't need to know.

I hope she does see it. I also hope she isn't mad. But like I said, I didn't say her name, so it's not like the world will know exactly who it is. Sure some people will guess, but some will guess wrong. I'm an actress. I get 'shipped', as they say, with anyone I have screen time lasting longer than 10 minutes with, which is a long list of people. It used to be just my male costars, occasionally people would be like 'are you sure you're straight? because you and so an' so would be great together', then when I came out I got 'shipped' with everyone. And yes, she was one of them. She was actually one of the more popular 'ships', popular with my fans that is. And her fans. Well some of her fans. Her fans are insane. Their fans are insane, I should say, because they're not just hers. I guess I could tell you who it is. But you have to promise not to tell. I don't want the whole world to know yet. Her name is Lauren, Lauren Jauregui. And she is 1/5 of Fifth Harmony. And their fans, the Harmonizers are insane. Most of the time it's a cute kind of insane and you can always rely on them to back you up, but occasionally they get a little out of hand. Way out of hand in fact. They can get a little scary some times but they don't mean to be. They just really love their idols.

*ping ping*

Oh. That's my phone. Probably just someone asking about 'the tweet', as it shall now be known. I picked up my phone and read the name on the screen. 'Lau-ren order' (do you get it, it's meant to sound like Law and Order, its one of our favourite shows to binge watch together). Also, crap. Lauren has texted me. Time to find out what she thinks of this whole situation.