Destined Fur More

Might I Have a Map With That Revolution?

After what I assumed was an hour, my body had finally thawed, thanks to the hideously un-maintained fire Teague had lit with a few matched in his duffel in the ancient fireplace. It constantly threatened to lick up the wooden boards we were sitting on, but they were far too rotted to be truly affected. I was still wrapped in what Teague'd told me was three wool blankets in his duffel, while he lounged on his back a few feet from the fire, now wearing yet another plaid shirt from the sack.

I knew I should've checked him out before he resorted back to clothing, but I was too cold to give a fuck. My hormones, thank God, had seemingly frozen with my toes. My nose twitched, signaling now was the time to bitch.

I wrapped the blanket's edges closer to me, cuddling in the small ball it made at my throat. "How the hell did you find me?" My voice turned to acid when I said, "Are your blood hound skills as developed as your ditching ones?"

Teague didn't move from where he was lying. His black eyes were watching the flames jump and flicker like a cat might a toy laser. "I'm sorry, Fisher," he finally whispered, still watching the fire. There was identifiable remorse in his voice, though. "I don't know why I—well, no, I guess I know why I didn't come with you. I was…" his voice faded, eyes glancing to his hands, then back to the fire. "Well, you know. But that's not an excuse."

I stared at him for a while before replying with, "I don't care how sorry you are. I still really, really don't like you."

At this, Teague sat up, looking at me with some form of intense emotion I wasn't skilled enough to read. I did see a little anger, though. "Does the fact that I came back mean nothing?" he asked in a rather snappy tone.

I gave him a dull look. "Does the fact that I almost drowned in a river because I was alone mean anything to you?"

Teague's face softened momentarily, only to resort back to anger. He sat up, face twisted into annoyance. "I saved you!" he screamed, leaping to his feet. I joined him, stomping over to him to get in his face. "I abandoned my old life for you! Ijumped in a river for you! I took the fucking shirt off my back for you! Would it kill you to appreciate anything someone else does for you?"

"You're fucking kidding me, right?" I laughed humorlessly, my jaw clenched enough to make the sound much more vicious than I'd expected. "Nobody ever does anything for me!" I shouted, flinging my arms outward as if to emphasize how expansively easy I was to find and do things for. "It's always for them! Them, them, them! Anything anyone's ever done for me was pretensive bullshit to extend their own personal pleasure and ego!" I roared, voice cracking. "You think people wanted to be my partner in history because they wanted to talk to me? No, they only wanted the answers because that's the only fucking class I understand. You think my sixth grade class gave me a birthday party was because they wanted to celebrate my life? Ha! They wanted the ecstasy of laughing at a fat girl when they locked me in the bathroom after shoving the cake in my face." My throat was closing, telling me to shut up and shove those memories back into the box labeled 'Reasons to Lash Out.' Teague's anger was fading fast, but mine was still burning through the woods of repressed emotions. "You think I was invited to join the school play because I was good at acting and people thought it'd look good on my records?"I laughed. "Like anyone gives a shit where I go!" I screamed at him, clawing at my hair. "They just needed someone to play the ogre and didn't want to buy the make-up." I took a deep breath and un-wound my fingers from my hair. Slowly, I pressed my back against the wall I was leaning against and slid down so I was sitting again. My eyes stared at the glowing fire, not really watching it.

"Do you know how many times I've just wanted to stop being?" At this, my voice shattered and melted down into a soft whisper, "I don't even think I was aware of how much I thought about it." I wasn't looking at Teague anymore; I don't even think I was talking to him anymore. My eyes were slammed shut, salty drops being squeezed from them. I heard Teague slid to the patch of floor next to me. "You know," I said softly, "when Graham first tried telling me what I was, he implied it was terminal."