I'll always be here

Phil's POV

"He wouldn't have left if he loved me," I'm sitting on my bed in the middle of trash. The scissors full of blood sitting there. My phone and Mac sitting beside me. I haven't posted or tweeted since he left. And I really haven't moved. Chris comes over every once and a while to put food in my fridge. I just keep crying. It's hard to stop when the person you love abandons you. He loves someone though. And I almost know the boy isn't me. Even though I want it to be. I pick up the scissors and lay them in my drawer. I get up and walk to the bathroom. I slowly wash the six fresh cuts. And cry. Not from the pain, I'm used to that, but from Dan not being here to stop me.
I don't feel whole anymore. Its November. A new Phil is not on fire should be on its way. But it isn't Dan is in the south. Probably living his life just as nothing happened. I know he's uploading. He's lucky. I can't think of anything to say to them. I know Chris is tweeting for me. But it isn't me.
"Phil," Chris says walking in. Everywhere but my room is clean. I walk back to my room. And sit on down,"Hi what's up?" Chris asks. I look at him and shrug. "Please say something."
"I need him back," I say. Chris looks at me and sits beside me. He wraps me in a hug.
"I know I'm sorry," Chris says. I hug him with the arm I don't cut on. "You have feelings for him."
"I love him. Not just as a friend," I say. Chris picks up my phone.
He tweets something and lays my phone back down.
"I said you would be in my video," Chris says.
"What? No!" I say.
"Come on Phil. All you'd have to do is stand there in all honesty," he says.
"Fine when?"
"In two days," he says.

A/N Good or nah? I'm sorry this was so bad. I said trigger in the description....