Paper Doll - Zayn Malik

Chapter 10

Intimacy the condition of being intimate; an instance of being intimate.

Virginity the state of being pure, unsullied, untouched; the quality or condition of being a virgin.

Those are the two things, I lost last night. Not only I lost them but I also myself. I lost myself. Words can explain how used and exposed to the world I feel right now.

Repugnance, is what I feel and everytime I'm in the bathroom and look to myself in the mirror I get disgusted of myself. Every shower I took didn't made me feel cleaned up, it only made my soul feel even more dirty. I carefully take the sheets covering my fragile body aside, Louis brought me home this morning and said he would be waiting in my living-room, while I decided when it was the right time to talk about what happened last night. I do not remember everything that happened, I only have blurry images of moments from it. My hand opens the door that keeps me safe in my room and my vision shows me Crystal and Louis talking.

"What are you guys talking about?" I ask them. My voice looks different, looks a little bit raspy.

"Hey..." They both greet me simultaneously.

"Why does my voice look like this? Raspy'?" I really would like to know every detail from last night.

"Because of the..." Louis starts but is immediately cutted off with Crystal hitting him in his arm with a slow touch from her hand.

"Because of what? I have the right to know it." I try to raise my voice but I fail at it and only makes my throat sore.

"Because of the screams." Crystal says calmly.

"What screams?" I'm completely lost and confused. "Explain me everything with every detail and minuteness, please, I'm begging."

"So after I caught you in that bed with sheets full of your own blood..." Red. I remember a lot of red. "... I have to admit that I freaked out a little but then I punched Niall's face, leaving him bleeding from his nose and he left the room, supposedly he said he didn't want to cause any trouble with me. Coward..." I don't remember anything. Anything. "... When I was about to punch Zayn, he just calmly said to me to take it easy and that I didn't wanted to mess with him, at first I was like, I don't give a fuck about you but then he suprised me when he said that I should call Crystal and he gave me her number. That's when I called her..." He says pointing to Crystal that is sitting right next to him on the couch. 

"And I told him to send me his address that I would go right away to his house and help him." Crystal completes his phrase.

"That's when I woke you up." He finish the sentence.

"But why is my voice like this? What screams were you talking about?" I let my body fall in the floor and sit myself with my knees supporting my head and my arms involving my shaky legs.

"While you were sleeping and I cleaning your sweat from your forehead, you were screaming a lot like you were still being attacked. I tried to calm you down but it didn't worked out, we both agree to let you in his room by yourself and rest a little, but baby you screamed until you had no voice." Crystal walks towards me and makes me circles on my back with her hands carefully and softly.

"Did you talk with Zayn?" I ask her and let a single tear fall from my right eye.

"No! And I will never speak to him ever again!" She raises her tone.

"I want to talk to him. I have to." I say looking into her eyes.

"Are you crazy?! After what he done to you? I'm not letting you make that mistake!" This time Louis raises his voice and stands up.