It's Not You, It's Me (Book Two) #Wattys2018

Someone Better be Dead

I run towards Avi and throw myself in his hug; unafraid he's not strong enough to hold me, because let's face it.

He cries. I cry with him. Our hug lasts minutes.

I lean out, wiping out the tears from my eyes.

"Amy." I ask.

"She's in there." He replies, eyebrows frigid and eyes lost in pain.

I run into the room and hug Amy, who was crying over her mothers dead body— that is now covered with a sheet.

She hugs me tight, almost as tight as her brother, and leaves a trail of mascara on my shirt.

After we're done hugging I take her out of the room. I don't want her to stay in there anymore, looking at her mom, lifeless.

I go back to the waiting room, and Avi and Amy stay hugged, sideways. He kisses her forehead, like the loving man that he is, and then turns to me. Amy leaves us and sits down on a chair in the waiting room, looking at nowhere.

Avi sighs. "Thank you for coming. I'm sorry that I called—"

"Thank you for calling me." I tell him, honest.1

"My uncle is coming. He lives a couple hours away and I didn't want Amy to be alone. She didn't want me around her, and I didn't want her alone, or with mom so..."

"You don't need to explain yourself. I'm happy to be here. Well, not happy but—" he laughs, and I feel warm when he does.

"Honestly, I didn't call you just because of Amy. I didn't want to be alone either, and you were, you are,—"
Theo appears behind Avi, with two cans of soda in his hands, and coughs loudly, interrupting Avi's sentence.

"We were only a few minutes away. We were glad to help in anyway we could, mate. Theo tells Avi, handing him a soda.
Avi grabs the can, and Theo opens his and drinks it. Both of them gulp the drink, staring at each other, seriously, and then Theo rests his hand on my right shoulder.

"I'm going to check on Amy." Avi says, and looks at me, "Really, thanks for coming Bee." He touches my arm softly, and goes to Amy.
I look at Theo, mad. as. fuck.

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"What?" He asks, shrugging.

"This is not the time to be jealous." I whisper. He opens his mouth to defend himself, but I don't even let him begin. "Avi's mom is d— she's gone." I stutter, crying again, but don't give up on the argument. "Keep your six-year-old issues away from me and this family." I point at Amy and Avi, sitting next to each other. Amy's head buried in Avi's arms, she's still crying.

"This wasn't that, okay, Toby? And I'm sorry if you think my feelings are infantile." His British accent seems to get thicker when he's not relaxed.

"Just— go" I tell him. Again, he's about to say something, but I don't let him say it. "I don't want you here. And I'm guessing Avi would be okay if you left." He looks at me, disappointed. He shakes his head and walks away slowly. I turn around, with my arms crossed, just so I don't have to see him go.

Avi comes up to me. "Amy wants to sleep here tonight." He says. "She doesn't want to leave."

"I really think you should take her home." I tell him. "She needs to get some rest. And also, I doubt they'll let any of us sleep here tonight. Since... Well..."

"Since my mom's not a patient anymore." Avi says. I sigh, and nod. "Can you go talk to her? She doesn't want to see me."

"Yeah. Of coarse." I smile faintly at him, trying to give him a glimpse of what a smile looks like, and what a friend feels like, at times like these.
I go up to Amy and sit beside her. She doesn't say anything, or looks at me, but notices my presence.

"I think you should go home." I tell her.
She doesn't reply.

"You're not gonna get any rest here." I add.
She looks at me. Observes.

"Once I leave this hospital it'll be in the past." She tells me. "This'll be only a memory. All of it."

"Don't you want to move on?"

"No." She cries. "Not without my mom. I can't leave her behind, I'm not ready."

"The universe doesn't care if you're ready or not, Amy. The world won't stop spinning to wait for you to get back on your feet. Things happen. Terrible things. But you have to keep on getting back up. If there's anything your mother taught me, it was that. She had every reason to give up and stop fighting. Everyone would understand. But she didn't. She cried, yes, she got hurt, but she kept on living her life. Now her journey, her battle, came to an end. But yours didn't. And now your mom can't be strong for the three of you anymore, you have to be strong for yourselves. And it's gonna be so hard. But you're gonna do it anyway, because your mom taught you well."

She shakes her head. "I can't leave without her. I'm not ready to look back on tonight. I'm not— I think... I just want my mom. I want to hug her and sleep beside her, and hear her laugh at something stupid. I want to-- I want to hear her try to tell a joke and get the punchline wrong, and then try again while she laughs at how funny it is. when it really isn't. I want to have dinner with her here in the hospital, while we watch Daria and swallow the hospital's disgusting food. She didn't think it was bad, though. She got used to it. I never did, but I always bought a piece of pie on the way here for us to share as dessert. I wanna have a random dance off again, me against Avi, and my mom being the judge and picking the songs, like we did during winter last year. Avi always won, of coarse, he's a great dancer." She smiles remembering. "But I was the funniest. She always laughed when she saw me dance. That was my victory." She pauses, and looks at me. "I'm not ready to leave all of that behind. Up to three hours ago all of that might have been done tomorrow. I didn't-- I wasn't ready. I should've been. They tell us that in the support group. It's a group for people who have someone in the family with cancer. Avi and I went to a couple meetings." She explains, patiently. "They tell us to keep in mind that it's all temporary and we're just here to make the most of now. 'Cause now is all they've got." She sighs. I hold her hand. "She doesn't have a now anymore." She cries.

She looks at me.

"I think" I say, in a motherly tone. "You should go home."

She considers it and cries for having to consider it, and then shakes her head.

I sigh. "Okay, then I have a phone call to make." I tell her, and stand up. I go up to Avi.

"So?" he asks.

"We're staying." I tell him, and start typing on my phone.

"I don't think we can stay the night, remember?" He asks.

My dad answers. "Dad?"

"Hi, honey. Everything alright?"

"You have friends at St. Vincent's right?" I ask.

"Uh, yeah. George works there. It's a good hospital. Why?"

"Can you call in a favor?"

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