It's Not You, It's Me (Book Two) #Wattys2018

Thanks for the ride, friend

I get in Avi's car, embracing Theo's jacket like it's the only part of him that belongs to me at this point, which is probably true. 

"Thank you for picking me up." I tell him, he looks at me, surprised and curious, and a bit desperate.

"What happened? Why are you here alone? Have you been crying?" He asks, I shake my head denying it, but as soon as I think about it I start to cry again. "Did he hurt you? Good God, I will MURDER HIM!"

I look at Avi and touch his shoulder, trying to tell him to calm down. I breath in and out slowly, a couple of times, and stop crying.

"He didn't hurt me. Well, I hurt him and that hurt me so I guess I hurt myself." I feel like crying again and sigh heavily. "Gosh, I'm so stupid."

He turns my head towards him, holding my jaw. "You are not stupid. If he made you feel stup--"

"He didn't do anything, Avi. He-- Theo is perfect. It was me, my fault. I ruined everything."

"What did you do?" He asks, and I look at him and decide not to tell him the reason was him.

"I messed up."

"What can I do to help?"

"You can just be here. Just-- stay here with me." I need a friend right now, and Avi is a great one.

"I'll always be here. For however long you need me." he tells me. And I feel warmer, safer. A little bit more loved.

It starts raining suddenly, very strongly, and I get even more grateful for Avi having picked me up, because I'd be out there in the rain, crying and far from home.

I look at Avi, and feel like I don't have to cry anymore.

He looks at me, with not the slightest smile, and he tucks my hair behind my ear, and then caresses my cheeks with only his thumb, and looks at me the way only Avi can look at me. He looks at my mouth, and I look at his eyes, and his hair, and I touch his hand that is touching my face, and he gets closer, really, really slowly, and quietly, and I feel his breath over my mouth, and his nose touching mine, and then he stops getting closer, and we just feel each others eyelashes and cheeks, and his head moves up slightly and then to the side, and I can feel his self-control trying to be bigger than this carnal desire, and then I get impatient and map my way around his mouth with my tongue, grabbing his hair. His arms embrace me, his muscles around me in a protective way, his tattoos telling the story.

I feel the jacket that was around my shoulders falling, and I glance at it, wanting its warmth around me again, and then I realize that its Theo's jacket, and that I love that boy in a way that I will never love anyone else in my life, and I stop doing everything I was doing. 

Avi shifts from me to looking out his window in a heart beat, inhales and doesn't breath out, his eyes opened wide, his left hand covering his mouth and his right hand running through his hair.

What have I just done????