Dreaming Big

Chapter 15

Ava' POV

I watched as Lottie turned her back to us and walked out the door. I didn't know whether I should laugh or cry out. She's upset with herself for kissing some guy she's never met before, but I mean so what? That gives her absolutely no right to turn away from me. She can't turn away from me. But she did.

"You're dead, man." I whip my head towards Chase as he threatens Dom. "You are so dead." In any other situation I would laugh at the look on his face. But with the sense of abandonment pulling my shoulders down, I couldn't even form the ghost of a smile. Dom just crosses his arms and smirks, "Oh yeah? What are you gonna do about it pretty boy? I mean it's not my fault that Lottie prefers me."

Chase storms over to him; his hands visibly shaking. "If you ever touch her again I will make sure you're life is a living hell." I never expected to see a look like that in his eyes. The anger I expected, but not the hurt. Never the flash of plain that flared in his eyes when Lottie and Dom kissed. I didn't expect to feel bad for him either. I don't feel anything towards someone so obnoxious and narcissistic.

That's when it hit me. I'm just like Chase. Dom's the parade of girls I can't forget, and Lottie's the being so wanted that can never be reached. Lottie is Chase's Carson. From that point on I knew that we were on the same team. He would be on my side, and I on his. I had tuned out what Chase and Dom were saying, and in a daze made my way towards Carson.

"Hey," I all but whisper, "Can I talk to you?" He nods at me, and then his phone started to ring. He immediately answers and I can't help to feel hurt that he didn't even tell me he was going to take the call. "Julia? Hey baby I've missed you. Really? For me? I can't believe you remembered. Ok I'll talk to you when I get back. No I'm just with some of my friends. Huh? Oh no girls, just Ava and you know she doesn't really count. I can't believe Mara would suggest that."

At that point I turn around. I walk out of the room. As I make my way to what used to be my bedroom, I bite my tongue so I don't curse. So I don't lash out again. Because despite what people say it's just easier to keep things to myself. There's two things I could do now. I could march right to Carson's house and tell his skank of a girlfriend to suck it, or I could make him eat his words. And personally I like to go for revenge. It's his fault I'm empty inside. It's his fault I don't feel anymore. It's his fault that I can't look at him and see the best friend that I used to have. It's his fault that if you asked me how I felt right now, I'd say dead. Because that's how he made me feel. Dead.

I don't bother to flinch when I hear the door slam open. I don't bother to look up, I know it's not him. "Shit sorry Ava. I just- ah hell I don't even know what I'm doing anymore." I pause a moment, "What do you want Chase?" I hear him laugh. A hopeless, mad laugh. "I want her to want me! I want her to know that I'm better for her than that bastard over there! I could have kissed her just like he did, but I'm sorry my mother raised me to respect woman not sexually assault them! And I don't want to feel like this.

"I don't want to feel helpless, and unappreciated. Just like I know you do. I saw you flinch when she walked out. I saw you grow stiff and pale when Carson started talking to what I presume is his girlfriend. I saw Char kiss him. I saw her beat herself up for liking it. Damn it I saw it all but it doesn't mean a thing!"

I sit unresponsive, and he sits down next to me on the floor. "How does it make you feel Ava? Because right now I feel like shit." I let out a humorless laugh, "Be greatful. I've been dealing with this for six years." I turn to face him. "Do you know how long it is to love someone for six years and know they'll never love you back? To see them go from person to person? To hear them tell you that they don't know why they haven't found someone worth fighting for? Right in my fucking face! This is what happens. This is what's left. You may feel like shit, but I'm dead!"

I bore my eyes into his. I need someone to know, to understand my pain. To know that this is pain to the point where I don't feel it anymore. To where I don't feel anything anymore.

"I'm going to help you Ava." I don't even have the energy to roll my eyes anymore. "Are you listening to me? We're going to make him regret giving up on you. For not noticing or ignoring how much better you are for him. Frankly I don't think he deserves it. But you're going to help me with Lottie. We're going to make her see. We're going to make both of them jealous."

I look at him with weary eyes. "Just trust me on this?" His eyes which were just so dark had a new light in them. I'd have to be blind not to see that it was hope. A hope that he didn't have moments ago. I nod my head. Because if this doesn't work out for me, I know from now on at least I'll have someone I can turn to. Someone who understands.

He takes my hand, and together we walk out of the room. Everyone is back in the family room. Lottie staring at the blank TV, Dom leaning on the wall looking at her with a smirk, and Carson walking back from the kitchen. Chase leans down and whispers, "It's show time."

Before I have time to question him, he spins me around to face him, and winks. I suddenly become hyper aware of his hands on my waist, and mine on his arms. My confusions grows. But then he presses his lips to mine. I don't care that I'm giving up my first kiss to someone I don't have feelings for. I don't care that I'm kissing a boy in front of a room of people. All I know is I have to carry on the show. With that I stand on my tip toes, lace my fingers in his hair, and kiss him back with all I've got.

We don't even stop when I hear a crash and the oh so familiar voice,

"Fuck!"