Beacon

17

The next thing I know a flash of black knocked Kara to the ground and I slip down against the wall holding my neck. Hot tears of pain were streaming down my cheeks and burning my neck. My vision was coming back into focus to find Alex with Kara pinned down underneath her. She looked up at me, a look on her face that I've never seen.

"Get into the room and wait for me I'll be right there Elisabeth."

    I was shocked by the use of my actual name but somehow got myself off the ground and back into the room, closing the door behind me and sitting on the floor against the wall. The back of my head and neck throbbed, my brain was static.

    I don't know how much time passed but Alex finally came through the door and sat down next to me, just close enough that her arm brushed against mine slightly. That shot a signal through my misty mind, reminding me to think again, to breathe again.

"I'm so sorry Elisabeth."

    The creases of concern on her face cut me. I don't want to be weak. I can't.

"I'm okay."

    The hoarse struggling of my words shocked me. The concern spread to her eyes and I couldn't take it. I wasn't used to someone trying to take care of me, caring for me. I'm the caretaker.

"Kara hasn't been right ever since our break up last year. I guess she's trying to manipulate me with you now."

    She leaned her head onto her hand and rubbed her temple, she looked grown in that moment, worn even. I noticed blood running down her leg. I grabbed a handkerchief from my pocket and tried to wrap it around her knee but she pushed my hand away.

"Don't worry about that,I'm too tough to get fussed over a little cut"

"No, you're bleeding let me help you."

"Elisabeth, I'm fine please just let me take a look at your he-"

    I started to cry. Maybe it was her saying my name that triggered it, or my fear of being the one being taken care of but I really started to cry.Not just sweet tears but huge acidic sobs. Everything just escaped me at once.

"Are you um, are you alright?"

    No.

"I took care of him for years, years! While my fucking father sat in his lab and did god knows what! Years! I never did anything! I never went on a date, I've never even been kissed for fucks sake. God it feels so fucking good to fucking curse! I've been in the habit of never doing it, why? Because I was raising a child."

    I took a breathe and more tears fell but a white hot rage began to grow.

"And now everyone's gone and it doesn't even matter. Kathy, my father, Oliver, they're all gone. And now I'm nothing! I never had a purpose in life except to care for others."

    In between the sobs I start laughing because oh god is it funny.

"And I finally take a risk, I make a friend, I go in a new place and guess what happens, some girl chokes me out because she thinks I'm after her girlfriend. Not even her girfriend her ex girlfriend for god's sake"

    The laughing gets more and more desperate, my stomach aches with it. The tears come too but they don't matter anymore. It doesn't matter who sees me cry anymore. I don't have to pretend to be strong for anyone anymore.

"And the best part is, she tried to kill me and I didn't even do anything. That's so goddamn funny. I haven't lived enough to steal anyone's girlfriend. I'm a virgin, no one's even held my hand except my mom. My dead mom! Jesus I'm so boring. I never even had an awkward middle school kiss."

    I let the laughter and tears just flow freely for a few minutes, and it felt so good. I feel like I've been ripped open, and all my darkness was torn away. And yeah some of my blood came with it  too but god it felt so good to be vulnerable, to be free, to be in pain. I relished the searing pain because I was letting myself feel it. I relished every single tear.

"Finally."

I looked over at Alex and she was smiling.

"What?"

"I've been waiting for you to finally crack."

    She stood up and held out her hand and I took it. She pulled me to my feet.

"Now the real fun begins."