My Angel (Calum Hood)

1) My Life

"What's the point of going on?No one here cares. No one here would miss me." I pause taking a shaky breath."I am everything those people call me. I am a fat worthless piece of crap." 

 I am sat in my room with a gun to my head , muttering the nonsense I tell myself everyday.It's sad isn't it, that I try to kill myself daily.

"Come on Maddy. Come join us." Blake my ghost friend says to me, egging me on like he does everyday.

"No, don't listen to him Maddy you have so much to live for. Please don't do it!"Caleb cries. He is Blake's ghost twin. They both show up whenever I do this and like always today Caleb is trying so hard to be the voice of reason. I eventually give in to him any other day but I in all honesty don't think I can last another day on this planet, with these heartless people.

" Caleb I am tired of living. Tired of trying to keep hold of something that isn't here. I can't do it any more." I say lightly pressuring the gun letting all the voices I have been trying so hard to hold back free. They shout and scream, some even laugh at the fact that I have managed to live this long.The voices overtake me blocking out Caleb's pleads and I shut my eyes to get Blake's sinister smile out of my sight.

" Maddy you are going to be late to your piano lesson." My brother yells barging into my room. I scramble to hide the gun underneath my pillow. He catches a glimpse of the silver handle in my hand and pulls me into a hug.

" No no no. Not again Maddy I thought you said it had gotten better, that you were gonna stop." He cries out.I don't say anything though, I simply sit there motionless. He cries into my shoulder and mumbles the words  'Don't leave me , I need you. Please.' into my shirt. I ignore him like always and peel myself away from him.

" I have to go now. Drake please get out.' I say with little to no emotion in my words. I walk towards the door but he stays on my bed and reaches underneath my pillow to retrieve the gun I put there minutes before.I don't protest , though, because I will get it back tomorrow when he isn't home.

"Please don't try anything stupid."He says as I am walking through the front door.

Drake is my younger brother and when my adoptive parents died three years ago I was left to take care of him.All we had was the house that we live in now and our stuff that we had before. Now in order to get money to pay the bills and keep ourselves from starving we have jobs. I give piano lessons, tutoring sessions, and work part time at the local bakery. Drake on the other hand focuses more on his school work so he usually only does small jobs for our neighbors.

Drake is the  one that came up with the piano lesson idea when he heard me playing on my keyboard. That day we both hadn't eaten because we couldn't afford groceries. When he told me this it was like a spark of hope glistened in his eyes, and I couldn't stand to see someone who has helped me so much starve because I was to lazy. So I put out flyers and started my own little business.

" Hey watch out!" Someone calls out from behind me but by the time I turn around , I am slammed to the cement sidewalk.

' I am so sorry I didn't mean to run into you, I warned you. Why didn't you move?"  A boy about my age says while kneeling next to me .

" I-I-I am so sorry." I say apologizing for being such an idiot. I am so stupid I should have moved. It is all my fault , just like everything else that is wrong in this world, it is all some how my fault. Maybe it is because I was born that everything is screwed up. Maybe if I wasn't here things would be better. The voices agree and shout more hurtful things at me.

I cringe at what some of them say, I should be used to it though I mean they have been around for a while. Even though I think the same things they scream at me , when someone else says it it puts an extra emphasis on what it means.At one point I thought I had become numb to the words they spit out at me buy then real people started saying them too making my walls I had up crumble down. I have build the wall up again but it isn't a strong as it used to be, I don't think it ever will be. These voices have become a part of me that I can't control anymore. They have minds of their own so  trying to stop them seems so useless to me.