Beautiful Lie (A Shannon Leto Fanfiction)

Chapter IX Hurt

I heard Shannon slam the bedroom door when I walk in the house. I walk to the kitchen and sit down.

"Everything alright" Constance asks sitting down across from me

"Ya everything is fine...actually no, Shannon and I just wanted to have some fun then when we went to eat there were a lot of people who were yelling at him because it's Shannon Leto, you know the typical fan girl stuff then he went to tell me something and we got interrupted again he really didn't like that" I say looking down

I was messing with my hands something I did a lot. Mostly when I'm sad or upset or I feel bad for something. I did feel bad, I felt bad for Shannon he just wanted to have fun and relax a little and then he got serious and was going to tell me something but he couldn't because of the fans. He really hates it when people are rude like that. He wishes that people would have at least a little respect and give him some space. Shannon hates being crowded because it makes him feel cornered. With him it's kinda like when you corner a fox they aren't going to stay that way for long, they are going to fight until they're free. Honestly I felt even worse because I feel like today was my fault. I don't know why to be honest but I just do.

"It's not you're fault, don't blame yourself you know how Shannon is when it comes to being crowded like that" Constance says practically reading my mind

"I know but"

"No buts, it's not your fault" she says

I smiled at her and she hugged me.

"Will you be ok now" she asks

"Yes thank you" I say and she smiles

"I'm glad he has a girlfriend who cares so much about him, he is lucky to have you" she says and walks away

I wanted to stop her right there and tell her the truth but I couldn't. Even if I wanted to I physically couldn't. I tried to speak but no sound came out, it felt like there was a lump in my throat. It was a lump of guilt choking me for what I have done. I lied to Constance, to Tomo, to myself. I told myself that this was a good idea that I was helping Shannon by doing this but I'm not. I'm hurting him I can see it. I know he honestly wants me to be his girlfriend and me pretending and him knowing that I am is killing him. He knows the truth and I know he hates it. He hates lying to his mom too he has never really lied to her especially not over something like this. Not only am I hurting him though but I'm also hurting Jared too. He knows the truth as well and he is also lying but only because Shannon asked him too. I am also hurting Constance, she believes us, she believe our white lie, our beautiful white lie. She believes her son finally found a good girlfriend, she believes he is happy but he isn't and I'm not. Me being here, pretending to be something I'm not is hurting everyone here and it's hurting me too. I like Shannon a lot but honestly I don't know if I want to be with yet at the same time I'm dying to be with him. I guess it's just my insecurities eating away at my thought but I honestly feel that way. Everyday that I'm "with" him it makes me realize how much I really do want to be with him yet at the same time I still don't want to yet. It's like I want to jump but I don't or I'm just to scared to. I can't focus on what I want right now, I need air, no better yet I need time. I need to get away and calm down so I can think. I don't mean like go for a drive with the windows rolled down and think. I mean like I need to get away away, like a vacation. I'll talk to Shannon about it then I'll go. Maybe talking with him will fix it and I won't need to go.

I walk upstairs and knock on our bedroom door.

"Hey it's me" I say

"You can come in" he says

I open the door and walk in. He was laying on the bed. I sit down on the bed next to him and mess with my hands. It's also something I do when I'm nervous.

"I'm sorry about the way I acted earlier I really shouldn't have acted that way" he says sitting up

"No it's was fine you're fine" I say

"No it wasn't I over reacted" he says

I just smile a little and then look back my hands.

"So what did you need" he asks kindly

"What oh, nothing other than to make sure you were ok" I say

"Ok then what's the other thing that's bothering you" he asks

"What do you mean" I ask

"Well you're nervous, I can tell because you're messing with your hands, so what's bugging you" he asks

"Well" I say and sigh. "I feel like what happened earlier was my fault" I say keeping my eyes on my hands

"Why would it be your fault you didn't do anything wrong" he says

"I don't know I just feel that way" I say

"Well you don't need to because it wasn't your fault" he says

"Ok" I say and then fake a yawn

"I'll go down stairs, you get some rest" he says

"Ok" I say and he leaves

SHANNON'S POV

"Where is Katherine" Jared asks walking into the living room

"Oh she is sleeping" I say

"Oh ok, mind if I join you" he asks pointing at the couch

"No go ahead" I say

"So did you guys have fun" he asks

"Ya we went to Sea World" I say

"Really no fair" he says

"Ya we both had never gone and wanted to go so we went" I say

"That good, I'm glad you guys had fun" he says

"Thanks" I say

"So mom told me you were mad" he says curious

"Not mad just upset, the one time I want to be alone with Kit and don't want people to bother us that's when they do" I say

"Ya I'm sorry bro" he says

"Nah it's fine I'm over it now" I say

"Boys time to eat, Shannon can you get Katherine" mom says from the kitchen

"Yup" I say and head upstairs

I walk in the room and don't see Katherine anywhere. Then I find a note on the bed.

Dear Shannon,

I'm so sorry but I need time. I need to clear my head, take a vacation. I need to think. All this lying is hurting us all. I'm lying to your mom, your bandmate, we talked your brother into lying to both of them too and you're lying to them too. Worst of all I'm lying to myself and to you, I told myself and you that this would help you but it's not helping you, it's hurting you. I know you want me to be your girlfriend and I know it kills you to wake up everyday and have to pretend that I'm your girlfriend. Don't worry I'll be fine just please be happy. See you soon!

Love,

Kit

As I red the note tears started forming in my eyes and rolling down my cheeks. One because I didn't want Kit to leave even if it was only for a day and two because she was right. We are lying and hurting everyone else by doing so worst of all we are lying to each other. We shouldn't pretend if we are going to have a relationship it needs to be real. No lies no pretending just the truth.

I throw the letter away and grab my keys and jacket and head outside. I didn't even say bye to anyone I just left. Right now in this moment all I can think about is her, all I care about is her. Knowing she is safe, knowing she is ok. That's all I need right now, as long as I know that she is ok, I'll be good.