Lost

Chapter 6

Joanna and Connor are storming out of the house behind me, I can hear Joss’ voice.

“Shit” I hear Joanna saying. Yeah, I think the same. This is shit.

“Stand up” she says and tries to get me on my feet. I let her pull me up.

She looks at me and sighs. “We shouldn’t have come here. I had known you can’t handle it, I told you so, Ley. I told you, you can’t do it.”

Yes, she told me so. And she was right. I do not want to come here ever again, but I have to.

“What did he say?” she asks me and I rub my eyes with my fists.

“I have to come back tomorrow” I tell her “because he wants me to clean the house.”

Which I really would like to avoid but can’t because he just told me he will find me and I believe him he would do it. He will. No doubts.

“I can do this for you” she says and I look at her.

“Why should you want to do that for me?” I ask her and wonder why she is being so nice.

“I brought you here, Connor did as well so he can come with me tomorrow” she says “This all happened because of us, well, mostly me. But still, he and I will do this for you, right Connor?”

He nods yes. “Sure. You don’t have to come back here.”

I am glad and Joanna takes me in her arms. “Come, we will go home.”

If I only had one.

We sit down in Connors car and I lean back into the seat. I never had been that glad to be away from people. I always loved people, the normal ones probably the most, put I always hang out with freaks. And it still happens to be the only thing I get never along with and still can’t change it. I always get the freaks. Look at Samantha. If she is now like Joanna is..

“Relax” Joanna says to me “You don’t have to meet him again.”

“Are you sure about that?” I ask her, because I am truly unsure about that. He threaten me that he will find me no matter where I am. And I kind of believe him. He seems like doing that.

“Yes, you just don’t go back here anymore” she says and then sighs “I can’t believe you just feel into Harry. I am so sorry for you. He’s the worst out of all human being on earth you should avoid.”

“Harry?” I ask and wonder if this is the name from the guy I fell into.

She nods. “Yes, the one who.. intimidated you.”

“Isn’t Harry a name for someone.. don’t know.. more calm? Harry sounds like a name for an intelligent sunny boy on weed or something.”

“Not at all. Believe me, if you see him more often you’ll think that Harry is a hard rock punker name. No doubts about that. I swear.” Joss sounds serious. She is serious.

“She’s right” Connor now joins our conversation “Better stay away from him. I think you can’t avoid him at all, he lives in the same city as you do. But though you better change pavements when you meet him again.”

I look at him and nod. “You only want me to be afraid of him.”

“I don’t want you to be afraid of whatever, but he is.. well, I don’t like to say that but he’s even for me too much to deal with. I don’t like crossing his way. No one does.”

“Wow, I can not really understand why” I say ironically.

Joanna sighs and then we end up in silence. Connor leaves us on our own at Joanna’s and she and I get in to get undressed and walk around in something normal. Well not that she really is wearing something normal. She wears that skinny top which only cover half of her tummy and let me have a look at her pierced bellybutton. Her shorts are very short, black as always and a bit too big for her. But she looks kind of sexy in that, if something like that can be sexy. I guess it was fitting her. And I felt ugly in my long sweatpants and the skinny, red top. Her hair fell down into some curls in her hair tips, my hair was made into a bun.

“Do you want to talk about what happened?” she asks me.

I look at her. “You saw it.”

“I only saw him squeezing your cheeks with his fingertips and staring into your eyes.. now that we’re talking about that.. holy shit, you and him, you were staring into each others eyes like nobody else was in that fucking room, Ley.”

You can explain it like that. But it felt more like he wanted to kill me.

He doesn’t look angry, he tries to kill!

“It felt more like he wand to make sure I don’t breath anymore” I say “He was killing me in his head, I swear it.”

“Don’t worry please, but I would believe you he did” she whispers and clears her throat.

“Don’t worry? Don’t worry? Wow, he seems to be very out of the light side of life and I never wanted to meet the darkness. But there it is. And I just ran into it. Now the darkness hates me. And you tell me not to worry. Well, if you find me dead in the streets next time, write him a message he didn’t miss my heart.”

She starts to laugh. I don’t. This is not funny, not at all. This is really serious and I am afraid. And Joanna is just laughing about whatever. I already said she is too much, don’t I?

“Hey, I don’t think that this is funny” I tell her and stare at her.

“Well, it isn’t, you are right. But he won’t kill you” she states and rubs the tears from laughing away.

“How do you know? Does he kill people? Have he done it yet?”

“I am not sure.” Now she starts to wonder and get back to serious. “Ok, I am really not sure. But I guess he would be in prison if he had, wouldn’t he?”

“Maybe they couldn’t figure it out who it was” I suggest and Joanna seems to be worried.

She shakes her head. “I don’t know. Let’s hope he didn’t.”

I do this all the time. More luck for me if he isn’t a murderer.

“I guess I will just go and get some sleep” I tell Joanna.

She nods. “I’m sorry your first day went like that.”

I shrug my shoulders. “Doesn’t matter.”

“It does. I feel a bit guilty for not taking care of you” she says.

I roll my eyes. “You don’t have to take care of me. I’m twenty, I don’t need any one to look after me and always help me to get through things.”

“But if you.. if you need me, you can come and ask me for help. I will help you” she says.

I don’t know if she is being nice or if she is playing games with me. She is kind of nice and she offers to help me. But I know how trusting people will end up. In a heart break, that’s how it is. And I don’t need another one of those heart breaks. I really had enough of them. I don’t decide if Joanna is ok or not, I will stop trusting people and that’s it. The same with Connor. People maybe like me, but they will hurt me if they have to. Or if they want to. and I don’t want people to play games with me anymore. I don’t need those people in my life. Hopefully Joanna wouldn’t act like a beast.

“Good night” I say to her and wave at her.

She smiles at me in a friendly way. “Good night. Try to recover a bit from what happened. You will have fun here soon enough. I bet you will.”

I bet I will not.

“Thank you” I say back and then leave her on her own. I lock my door and then jump into my bed for the very first time. This is my first night back in London. It’s been a long time since I have been here for the last time. And a lot have changed. People are different around here now. And I don’t know if I like that or not. I surely can say that I do not like what happened to the boys around here. Hey are being ugly and mean and I would prefer having more people like I met back home.

But I dare myself to keep calm and try to sleep. The other day is coming and I am not allowed to fail. I need to have a look at the new publishing company. They offered me more money than I would ever expect to get and I took the job instantly. I love London, always have. Only because of one asshole I wouldn’t just give up and leave the city, running back home.

I need to stand tall for myself. I have a life to deal with, I don’t need people like him. I will just ignore him.

But what if he wants me to get there tomorrow and come over to Joanna’s to get me?